You think what?!?

The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

It's not just the missing, its the wanting.

"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't
mean they don't love you with all they have."

I don't know who said that, but it's not true.

The worst thing anyone has ever said to me was," I can never love you the way you love me."

And my heart was broken.

It's repaired, somewhat.

Life makes you think.

Recently, a friend of mine, an old friend decided he was not going to be of this earth anymore.

I was so angry.

How dare he, how dare he leave me here alone?

How dare he leave me to face the world alone?

I still haven't cried.

Someone said he was selfish.

I'm angry at him, I am.

But more than that, I'm envious.

Life here in Adelaide has been too fucking difficult lately.

Too many fights, too many snide remarks online, too much missing and wanting.

As I mentioned in an earlier entry, I was smitten.

In a way, I still am.

But being smitten and doing something about it, perhaps, was the most silly thing I have done.

But in some strange way, I don't regret it.

I already miss him.

I think I overstepped a boundry.

I miss my friend who is no longer here, and I miss the smitteee as well.

What was the first line again?

Ahhh... Yes...

The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

We would never work out.

I spent the night with him last night.

I heard the bad news and ran to smitteee. He is a friend as well after all.

I yelled, and smoked and yelled a bit more.

Getting the anger out.

I smoked a bit more, and I asked if I could stay.

I hate being alone sometimes.

Like now.

Alone cos I don't want to call. People have lives. I wish this blog was a bit more secret.

But, I digress.

So I stayed. We cuddled, we kissed. I snored. Or so I was told.

I slept, comforted by his touch.

And tonight, I feel so cold.

I feel like I have not lost just one, but two people.

But, oh smitteee, I think I never had thee.

I think I never will.

The differences are too great.

I wish people wouldnt give me a hard time over smitteee.

I tend to think with my heart more than my head.

A person once told me, I cared too much and was not made for this world.

And thus, maybe, I should be unmade.