This is some story I am writing. I reserve all rights. This is just chapter One but there may be more. So shut your eyes, open them, and read. Remember, take it with a pinch of salt. it's meant to be fun :)
The teenage girl (the scientific name being stripling pimply pubertas) is a mammal of the family Bitchiesus Explorus Huntis. Teenage girls are the second most intelligent human group after the adult female (brightus smartus). Their overly made-up faces, short skirts and hormonal-based behavior are easy to spot. In the wild, the teenage period may last up to ten years, many ignoring the word “teen” in the numeral system. In captivity, teenage girl behavior may last anywhere between two months and fifty years. Their weight varies greatly, but tends to range from fifty to six hundred pounds.
They are found all over the world, in every continent, in every country. Teenage girls are predatory carnivores who live in groups, commonly known as cliques. The clique, as a general rule, has five members.
The leader casts a daunting figure. She is everything the rest of the pack is not, yet so desperately crave to be. She is normally the flirtiest, most outgoing, skinniest and least clothed of the lot. If she is not the least clothed, then the tightest it shall be. Her Blackberry is a formidable weapon. The teenage queen is a superb master and defender of her pack and territory, especially the male prey of the moment. Anyone overtaking her at any point is promptly expelled from the pack.
Then, the right hand man is her clone. This is normally the best friend. Same physical qualities normally, but usually much sluttier. This is to gain the attention the clone needs. There is not much to say about the clone except she would suffer from low self-esteem. The clone is also used as a decoy for the leader to gain men flesh.
The next on the list are, usually but can contain much more, the two wingmen. Two teenage girls act as the support and props for the two above them. They usually carry out the dirty work and have to clean up after the hunt. Normally, one of the prettier girls will belong in the group. Regardless of who kills the prey, the queen usually eats her fill first with the rest of the pack staying at a respectful distance away. Typically, the queen will not tolerate outside female teen queens.
Last on this list, the sole remaining pack member. The token fat chick. There to make the rest look better. She is the one who male prey flock to in a lame attempt to win the affections of the queen and her clone.
Well, I’m that token fat chick. Blubbery, unattractive, and bait. Come here, men meat. Come, come, let us feed the insatiable appetites of the Queen and her clone. Long may she live. I live on the outskirts of the pack and feed on the scraps. I feel about thrice the size of my Queen. However, I live but to serve. Long may she live.
I often ask myself why do I even bother putting up with the abuse. I’m always there when they need someone to cry to, to whinge and whine to. But when the male of the moment makes an appearance, I am promptly forgotten. Why do I put up with everything that happens? I know, the ants to sugar theory. They missed out one thing though.
The lonliness. I am so lonely, I’m afraid my gut will tear. It’s that feeling in your throat, when you can’t breathe because this huge lump is constricting you. You desperately swallow, trying to get any air you can. This is me and them. I take what I can get. I watch and allow my shoulder to be soaked with salty warm tears.
So not only am I a tissue, I’m also a big fat virgin. A fat, fat lonely virgin whom shall never see a male naked, let alone have him want to do anything to me. Everyone else has had someone else. What about me? Is the flab really so unattractive? I know the answer to that. Yes. Fat chicks do not make good girlfriends. They do not project the image nor promote the social standing of any said teenage or early twenties boy.
For clarity and sense to enter my life, I have decided to write down my observations of teenage girl world in this journal. I will not use dates, it is of no consequence to know exactlly when all my activities occurred. Instead, I shall try and label my entries with a bit of omph, a bit of class. That’s all that I can do well. The teens are certainty a difficult time.
Welcome to my world.
Onion rings and Christmas make good friends. And masks. Carl Jr's has good food but HUGE servings. Go fried zuccininis!
Debby, Denise and Milla. Big big big 10 course chinese dinner. Typical chinese, fish, sharks fin, cold dish (READ: Lobster), chicken, scallops, sea cucumber, octopus and yummy yummy deserts. My god. Food was too good.
And for simple food. Chicken rice. Normal, non-australian chicken rice. Chicken perfect, rice non-mushy. Chilli sauce, bliss. This is the one at the bottom of Siglap Drive. Near my grandma's place.
