Luck

There is good luck. There is bad luck. And having no luck equals to bad luck and having loads of luck is good.

Too much of life is based on luck. Some work, yes, but mostly luck.

Or at least, thats how its feeling right now.

Me and a friend were having a conversation about men, life and sex. What every female talks about.

She couldnt understand why I was sorta seeing a guy when she , to put it nicely, had a veru negative opinion of him. Why was I seeing him? Whats the point of seeing anyone if he's not the best?

Best?

ME?

Who, in the elite crowd of the best, would want me?

I'm not very pretty, terribly inappropiate, and im not skinny. I admit, I'm fat.

THE BEST?

I think among humans, there is no best.

And if there is, I certainly don't deserve it.

It's hard hearing comments like that cos, for that moment, your mind highlights everything with you that isn't perfect.

Most of my friends would say Im pretty, smart and confident.

But I'm not the best or perfect.

And there is some niggling feeling deep inside me, that questions what is so wrong with me that none of the 'best' want me.

Yes, I am going through a very, I wouldnt say hard, but different difficult time.

My flaws constantly slap me in the face.

I cant help thinking bout that comment. Me waiting for the best?

I'm not the best, never will be, how can I ever expect it for me?

I'm realistic. Or a sucker for punishment.

What does all this have to do with luck?

Maybe, with a bit of luck, I would have gotten a gene that made my tummy flatter. With luck, Travis Fimmel would have fallen in love with me. With luck, I might be in Perth right now, with a shot at love. With luck, I would have been in Melbourne, with people whom don't think I'm terrible. With luck, I would never have met certain people.

Some people might equate this crap luck thing with fate.

Maybe so, maybe not.

All I know is, I don't have much of the good luck. Ha, not the best of luck.

I'm the best and never will be.

I'm so tempted to do a Sylvia Plath these days.

"I believe in karma. That means I can do bad things to people all day and assume they deserve it." - Dogbert