It is always interesting to meet a kindred spirit. Everyone meets one once in a while. A kindred spirit does not mean an instant connection, or to find a clone of yourself, with the same array of interests. Clones can come in any gender, race, religion, shape or size. They are called clones for a reason.
Sometimes, when you meet someone, their eyes twinkle, you both smile and then, some instinct kicks in and you know that this person can be a friend. To what degree, you don’t know yet, but for the moment, you feel comfortable.
These people are different for everyone, yet some people manage to integrated so well into society, memorising social niceties, that no matter where, they can strike up a conversation and be liked. They seem at ease at parties, chatting, smiling and standing with such confidence.
Some people really are those, but I sense, most are not. Under all the smiles, is the lost scared little child, always tucked away. The one looking for approval, searching for love, foraging for friendships, non-material, intangible things that we, as humans, seem to crave. Crave for so desperately.
But I am not going to go on about the emotional state of people. Or some people, anyway. I do not single myself out from that category. I am human. I make mistakes, I have feelings. I have the same insecurities everyone has. Fewer or more than other, I like to think I am normal. I do worry that people can smell my feet on a warm day. I panic if I find my jeans fly unzipped. I wonder how many people have seen what colour my thong is for the day. I do change my underwear everyday, sometimes twice. Underwear smelling a bit odd is something I never worry about. No inside, outside, front and back method for me.
But recently, I happened to chance upon my friend’s neighbour. I always saw him as a ‘typical Aussie bloke’. Beer in one hand, a lighted cigarette in the other, always smiling. But so lonely. Something about him, reminded me about myself. Everyone suffers a bout of loneliness. A few people just get hit harder than the others.
We spoke. The three of us, my friend, the neighbour and I. It was interesting. However, my friend was not as ‘into’ the conversation as he and I were. Another friend dropped by, and then we were four. An even spilt of the sexes now, two women and two men.
The conversation turned medical, and I listened, elated by the jargon used. The foreign sounds and laughter that sprung from the trio left me feeling slightly excluded. I can not claim to be in ‘sciency’ in any way possible.
This party broke up around three in the morning. The friend, who popped by earlier, with a wave and a yawn, departed. The other friend, whom lived there, had work and a shower and sleep were called for. She left as well, to meet the sandman. The non-scary one.
The neighbour and I were left. And we stayed there, chatting, over several more beers and cigarettes, til seven in the morning.
I cannot remember everything that was said, but, as I said a kindred spirit. We had similar interests, the same slightly ‘sick’ sense of humour.
And he reminded me of Mark. That’s all I am saying here. Missing Mark is like missing a part of you.
But speaking to him, I realised how lonely I really feel. He was lonely as well. I could sense that, as he could sense mine. It is strange how perception we sometimes are to the feelings of others.
Feeling through others was nothing new to me. It’s a strange sort of empathy which went beyond simple understanding. It was the actual feeling. I sometimes understood how people felt because in me, I felt it too. Their emotions seem to run through me as they ran through them. I could almost feel others, like a cloying cloud of perfume, which seemed to transport me to the midst of their hearts, the very core of their being.
He and I connected on a certain level. And, I think, I made a new friend. With promises of anime sessions and smokes, we parted that morning.
I haven’t seen the sun rise for ages. And that morning, it was almost symbolic. He was the push I needed to continue doing what I was doing. I felt refreshed and almost in a sense, cleansed.
People connect. Friendships form. Nothing lasts forever, but for the time being, I want to savor every friend I have. To enjoy their company til we have to part. It might seem like a pessimistic way of looking at relationships but, I beg to differ.
We have but one life to live. People are like passing ships. Same sail into the harbour longer than others. Same depart cargo and leave. Others stay to enjoy the sights and sounds. Others love it so much; they decide to have an extended stay.
Humans are humans. That is that.
Sometimes, when you meet someone, their eyes twinkle, you both smile and then, some instinct kicks in and you know that this person can be a friend. To what degree, you don’t know yet, but for the moment, you feel comfortable.
These people are different for everyone, yet some people manage to integrated so well into society, memorising social niceties, that no matter where, they can strike up a conversation and be liked. They seem at ease at parties, chatting, smiling and standing with such confidence.
Some people really are those, but I sense, most are not. Under all the smiles, is the lost scared little child, always tucked away. The one looking for approval, searching for love, foraging for friendships, non-material, intangible things that we, as humans, seem to crave. Crave for so desperately.
But I am not going to go on about the emotional state of people. Or some people, anyway. I do not single myself out from that category. I am human. I make mistakes, I have feelings. I have the same insecurities everyone has. Fewer or more than other, I like to think I am normal. I do worry that people can smell my feet on a warm day. I panic if I find my jeans fly unzipped. I wonder how many people have seen what colour my thong is for the day. I do change my underwear everyday, sometimes twice. Underwear smelling a bit odd is something I never worry about. No inside, outside, front and back method for me.
But recently, I happened to chance upon my friend’s neighbour. I always saw him as a ‘typical Aussie bloke’. Beer in one hand, a lighted cigarette in the other, always smiling. But so lonely. Something about him, reminded me about myself. Everyone suffers a bout of loneliness. A few people just get hit harder than the others.
We spoke. The three of us, my friend, the neighbour and I. It was interesting. However, my friend was not as ‘into’ the conversation as he and I were. Another friend dropped by, and then we were four. An even spilt of the sexes now, two women and two men.
The conversation turned medical, and I listened, elated by the jargon used. The foreign sounds and laughter that sprung from the trio left me feeling slightly excluded. I can not claim to be in ‘sciency’ in any way possible.
This party broke up around three in the morning. The friend, who popped by earlier, with a wave and a yawn, departed. The other friend, whom lived there, had work and a shower and sleep were called for. She left as well, to meet the sandman. The non-scary one.
The neighbour and I were left. And we stayed there, chatting, over several more beers and cigarettes, til seven in the morning.
I cannot remember everything that was said, but, as I said a kindred spirit. We had similar interests, the same slightly ‘sick’ sense of humour.
And he reminded me of Mark. That’s all I am saying here. Missing Mark is like missing a part of you.
But speaking to him, I realised how lonely I really feel. He was lonely as well. I could sense that, as he could sense mine. It is strange how perception we sometimes are to the feelings of others.
Feeling through others was nothing new to me. It’s a strange sort of empathy which went beyond simple understanding. It was the actual feeling. I sometimes understood how people felt because in me, I felt it too. Their emotions seem to run through me as they ran through them. I could almost feel others, like a cloying cloud of perfume, which seemed to transport me to the midst of their hearts, the very core of their being.
He and I connected on a certain level. And, I think, I made a new friend. With promises of anime sessions and smokes, we parted that morning.
I haven’t seen the sun rise for ages. And that morning, it was almost symbolic. He was the push I needed to continue doing what I was doing. I felt refreshed and almost in a sense, cleansed.
People connect. Friendships form. Nothing lasts forever, but for the time being, I want to savor every friend I have. To enjoy their company til we have to part. It might seem like a pessimistic way of looking at relationships but, I beg to differ.
We have but one life to live. People are like passing ships. Same sail into the harbour longer than others. Same depart cargo and leave. Others stay to enjoy the sights and sounds. Others love it so much; they decide to have an extended stay.
Humans are humans. That is that.
1 comment:
u ok fern?
you can be my clone ;)
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