I'm back! With books and baggage in arms...

"I believe in karma. That means I can do bad things to people all day and assume they deserve it." - Dogbert

Forever ain't ever long enough. Or forever is actually a real, real, real long time. But let's not get into how long forever is. My Counselling and Augumentative lectures go on forever for me. And that is when, I rest. Sleep, until my lecturer (evil evil woman) comes up from behind me and proceeds to grab my shoulders.

She just does it for the kicks. I swear.

Anyway, interesting things have happened. I can now start up my own Libary. Yes, come to Townhouse XX on FLinders University. Wide range of books, from poetry (Wordsworth, Blake, Yeats, I adore Yeats) to some heavy shit (i consider heavy shit as in books i should read, have read once, and hardly would find the interest or energy to read again ie Our Mutual Friend.) and the ever classic, Mills and Boons.

YEs, i know i was dissed on it before. It is in a sense, the lowest form of literiture. Thats what makes it so fun. Its 50cents per book. I went Op shop shopping, or those from other lands, Salvation Army shopping. I love old pre-loved books.

Anyway, back to how dodgey my reading taste is. Mills and Boons is bad, but fun to read. Its easy, brainless and yes, I, me, moi, the cynical one, would like to believe in 'love'.

Im gonna ignore the gasps of horror.

I would love to believe in 'love'. I find the concept of love very disturbing. In a way, I love my friends and family. But, as mentioned, english is so limited in the language or terms of 'love'.

I would do almost anything for my family and friends. But when it comes to a man, (or woman, god knows) I would find it almost impossible. For one person, love, you should place that person before yourself in almost everything. You take their interests, likes, dislikes, preferences, job, children (?) into account before you do anything yourself.

Its like giving up independence. I would not want to consult anyone, before i spend my own money. Money i have earnt, or before I decide to eat crocodile for dinner. Fuck all to waht he wants. Its hard. Im not ready to give anymore.

I used to give. I used to try. Now, i honestly cant be bothered with men.

The cheats, bastards, lying bastards, scum, ones who refuse to let you have a life outside from them, the ones that hit you when you answer back, the ones that yell at you and make you feel like the most stupid ugly person on earth and they tell you that you should be grateful that someone can stand your presense, to the men that break your heart and when its healing, they come back and dash it again. The ones that wont take no for an answer and try to force themselves upon you. The men that try to own you. The ones that steal from you. The men that make you cry over everything. The ones that continue to lead you on, the one that you know you shouldnt love, would do anything for, but wont cos you prefer self preservation. The ones that spread untrue stories, the ones that cause you to sever relationships with family and friends. The ones that leave you, alone and crying at the bus stop, when you beg them not to leave, cos you have no one else.

The men in my life, all of the above true, I wonder why I am too dysfuntional for a relationship.

I want a dog family.

*woof*