A Sonnet to Share

The heart once broken is a heart no more,
And is absolved from all a heart must be;
All that it signed or chartered heretofore
Is cancelled now,
the bankrupt heart is free;
So much of duty as you may require
Of shards and dust,
this and no more of pain,
This and no more of hope, remorse, desire,
The heart once broken need support again.
How simple 'tis, and what a little sound
It makes in breaking, let the world attest:
It struggles, and it fails; the world goes round,
And the moon follows it.
Heart in my breast,'
Tis half a year now since you broke in two;
The world's forgotten well; if the world knew.

-Edna St Vincent Millay

I just thought this set the mood better. I have been dreaming a bit about the past. Despite the lack of sleep, I still can dream. And oh so vividly.

I'm scared to fall asleep right now. But I know I have to try.

Finally!

I have finally gotten a new laptop. My old one, as mentioned or whined about earlier, was dying. Father and mother are taking over it. My heart is glad.

Yet, what I have now, a HP nx 6120, does not have the same feel as my own one.

Even as I use this one now, I miss my old white baby.

I do not like this one, it looks normal and somehow, hasn't managed to sqeeze its way into my heart.

I should not go on.

I am leaving for Adelaide on Friday.

What is it about not being sure where you want to be?

It's late. And my head hurts.

The winter olympics has been keeping me up with its strange unexplainable gay-like sports. The werid outfits and why must everything be skintight?

Also, as a side note, you know how all the participants are sponsered by Nike, Adidas and the such?

However, all of them, if they have eyewear, wear Oakleys.

All different shades, cuts and lenses, they are there.

A notable one is of the Dutch woman skater, who wears a striking yellow and blue pair.

Yes. I am tired.

Finally, sleep...

And She Was Gone...

"And She Was Gone"By Ginger Foutley

She chose to walk alone

Though others wondered why

Refused to look before her,

Kept eyes cast upwards,

Towards the sky.

She didn't have companions

No need for earthly things.

Only wanted freedom,

From what she felt were

Puppet strings.

She longed to be a bird. That she might fly away.

She pitied every blade of grass

For planted they would stay.

She longed to be a flame,

That brightly danced alone.

Felt jealous of the steam

That made the air its only home.

Some say she wished too hard.

Some say she wished too long.

But we awoke one autumn day

To find that she was gone.

Some say she wished too hard.

Some say she wished too long.

But we awoke one autumn day

To find that she was gone.

The trees, they say stood witness.

The sky refused to tell.

But someone who had seen it said

The story played out well.

She spread her arms out wide.

Breathed in the break of dawn.

She just let go of all she held...

And then she was gone.

Happy Lunar New Year!

Hey all! Been ages since I wrote stuff, cause it's CHINESE NEW YEAR! Or Lunar new year, so as not to sound too racist.

Gong xi, gong xi!

So what exactly is so great about it?


The bak kwa, pineapple tarts, Aunty Betty's chocolate cookies and the hong baos! The bad part is the relatives. I was forced to listen to a young cousin play the piano. *groan* And another one bitching bout failing his driving test. And a whole bunch nudging me and asking if I had a boyfriend. Even when I told the truth, NO, it was "it's ok, tell auntie the truth, I promise I won't tell your mother."

Eugene and me have been chilling out a lot recently, smoking shisha, coffeeing and such. I can't believe how much I actually missed him when I was in Adelaide and he was here. In singapore. Yes, Eug, I am talking bout you.

Don't ask me about my obsession with flowers, by the way Phil, any photos you like, just use it on your website. I don't mind. :)

And, just showing off...

I had DURIANS! Loads and loads of them! *breathes hard*

If I still have your attention, please please please do me a favor. Send me a nice fat hong bao. I need it more than you will ever know. The old laptop is dying, aptly named Old Poo. Cos it's white (use your imagination) and now the name is even more accurate cos it's old and on the edge of death. The internal bits are rotting.

I need a new laptop, suggestions? Anyone? On what to get?

Lastly, Happy New Year!

PS Eugene, ibook, I know... My father ah, he no like.

Flowers!

Decided to go back to my roots, pun intended, today. Being named after a plant, it's amazing the comments people can come up with.

I was walking in the Krangi War Memorial today with my best friend, Hongie. We were taking pictures and having a great time.

I was remembering how after school, I used to cut across here to get home.

Stories for another day.

Hope you enjoy the flowers. It is actually my own work. Apparently, I take better pictures of inanimate objects.

A Small Rant

Its been raining, a lot. It's times like this I wonder why people in certain western countries complain about the rain. I know, it must be bad, but wait til you experience a hard ass south east asian monson storm. It's like God and his minions throwing BUCKETS and BUCKETS of water straight onto you.

It's terrible to drive in.

Trust me on that. But I decided to share the picture I took outside my bro's school, just before it rained.

And it's 3 more days til I see my Mamajaja.

And I finally had my first shouting match with my mother since I came back.

Joy.

I was thinking a lot today. Why do I smoke?
When i was younger, I hated smoke. In a way, I still do. I hate the smell that lingers on your clothes, hands and breath.
It's rancid and puke-worthy. But, what is it about the nicotine that makes me happy?

It's calming. I get angry and with one magical drag... *poof* I'm easier to deal with. That's what kept me from physically hurting my ex-housemate all year long.

But, there is something sensual about the cigerette as well.

The swirls of smoke, the tendrils that curl in the air before disappearing, it is, for lack of a better word, pretty.

Annabelle Chong couldn't have said it better.

Not an exact quote but she went along the lines of good christain girls don't smoke, don't drink and don't have sex.

*shrugs*

Ummm... It's kinda hard to live up to. It's hard to live up to a religion that wants you to abstain from almost everything fun. Don't get me wrong, I love God, in my own way. But, the human element, gets me down.

And how can I obey a pope that looks like the devil himself?

Wait, I take that back. The devil must be prettier. He has to entice and tempt. Hell, no one gonna be enticed by someone looking like that. Fuck, no.

Well, off to Malaysia tomorrow. Will take more pictures then. Su! Milla! I need shopping buddies! *sobs* Why you two are so far away?

"I believe in karma. That means I can do bad things to people all day and assume they deserve it." - Dogbert

Photos for Phil!

To Phil,

the guy on the other side of the world who cheers me up with his awesome photos of people and places around France,

I have some photos of places in Singapore and Adelaide for you here. The Adelaide photos of are not my work. I cannot take photographs. I am, I assure you, one of the world's worst photographers. But I try! I know I have posted some up before, but, I like them. SO THERE!

Well, enjoy!

The River Torrens

More food, crispy chicken...

And the everbeloved MRT!!!

My Grandmama, the feisty 91 (92?) year old still can cook. She makes the BEST Nasi Ulam... And sambal belchan!

Well, I guess that's all for the moment. I didn't do too badly I think. Cheers to Milla for Adelaide photographs. I think you don't appreiate what you have til you don't. Like my Grandma, she cries everytime she sees me now, and I remember her running after me with a cane to whack me for playing with her makeup. I used it for 'masak masak'.

This a basically pretend cooking. You have tiny saucepans and pots and you cook for the faries and brownies that live at the bottom of the garden. Too much Enid Blyton as a child. Her perfume became soup, the lipstick was fish(which is ironic cos lipsticks actually do contain fish) and her eyeshadow was seasonings. I remember using the blue one for pepper. How times change and people grow.

Well, to Phil and my Grandma, may you both have many years of health and happiness to come!

PS Milla and Su, my beloved wives, I miss you both very very very very very much... I cry and weep with sorrow at our cruel parting...

This is how I feel...

Since coming back... All I felt is...






































Empty.

Home Vs Home

Where exactly is home?

People have been refering to Adelaide as well as Singapore as home. The most interesting person to do so was my mother. Although she still habours a hope that I will see the light and turn into a good Catholic and come back to our flourishing island nation. The MRT (mass rapid transport or train) that runs near my place provides an interesting view of the Krangi Turf Club.

I don't know bout the last bit, but oh well.

I mean I come back to Singapore to ridiculus smoking laws, and I thought old SA was bad! Im suprised I didnt get fined.

Anyway, new laws are abound. How can you not like this country? Where they try and control your every move?

I like the new STAND BEHIND THE YELLOW LINE UNLESS THERE IS A TRAIN THAT YOU WISH TO BROAD.

I giggled much when I saw this.

But I'm mostly sick of everyone going on about my weight/'fat'/size/shape. I don't care.

I am happy with my body!

Can people not get that? I want no diets or shit. I also know I'm not perfect but would people stop rubbing it in my face?

I stole some pictures from the wife. Even she can make Adelaide look good.

Isn't it pretty?

Maybe someday, I shall know where home is. Til then, I shall take advice from Tyson the 'Cat'. He believes he's a dog. Seriously.

Sleep well, eat well, occasionally let people near you so that they value your touch and company more. Also, if you don't have to move, don't.

Also destroy whatever new furniture you can, after all, you are king.

Or Queen in my case. Wait!

Princess! Princesses are so much younger than Queens.

A Guide to Wives

From one wife, I jump to another.

Oh Su! I miss you terribly already. Tis sad we are, yet again, seperated by many continents. Only comfort this time is that Asia is not one of them.

I also miss beloved wife of Norway. I can't seem to upload pictures of her!

I lied! She is too pretty. Look at her smile.

The trick to keeping 2 wives happy is to make them believe they are the only ones in your life. One need never know about the other.

Except my pair.

The sister-wives plot against me as I speak. So, to keep them happy, I pour as much alcohol as possible into one, and the other?

As much food-sex as possible. You should hear the moans and groans and quivers that follow the words, "Nasi Ulam".

But, I often get the question, is it difficult having two women?

And the answer is,

YES

It is. Very hard. But I have enough love for them both. And if all else fails, I still have my pets.

Opps! Wrong one.

Umm... Pets... Pets...

So, it's Cookie (my brown doggie) and Lynn the Mouse for me. At least they will always love me. And my great manhood. Which I keep in my PAAAAANTS!!!

Miss you two so much. One on each side of the world.

It's a lonely life for the wandering man.

PS Never NEVER NEVER ever let them find out about your multiple concubines. Death may result.