Remember me?

It has been a pretty hertic term. It's over but what amazes me is the amount of mail I got. Bills and stuff of the same yucky nature not included in the list.

I been here 3 years and I only had a parcel sent to me. My mom sent it in my first year and it consisted of clothes and a lamp. Yes, a lamp. Trust my mother to send me the most off-beat things.

I got so many postcards as well! But I think the parcel my mamajaja sent me was the best of all. But my mother, thanks, for the wonderful spa machine. I actually slept for 17 hours straight today. Was in bed bout 2am, woke up about 7pm. It was dark. I feel a bit piggish actually.

But my mama jaja! The woman of the hour! I have carebears and spongebob sqaurepants pjs!

I HAVE AND YOU DON'T!

*evil manical laughter*

Not to mention the lime bag, flower brooch and care bear stickers! the face mask and stuff!! I was in heaven for a while. It's always nice to recieve mail.

But if you don't send, you don't recieve. Nothing beats the feeling of seeing your name on an envelope with familiar handwriting. Or a distant postmark annoucing how far it has travelled. Seeing anything in French makes my heart stop a little, Mamajaja is in Canada after all. But now, she's in Japan and I await her new address so that I can send her Nutella.

Apparently, where she is (somewhere near Osaka and Kobe), she cannot find nutella. And my mamajaja lives off the stuff. I shall send an emergency food package soon, just give me an addy! I am so jealous of the cakes and Japanese sweets she is getting.

Plus all the Studio Ghibli stamp sets. By the way, the J-List site is fantastic. I simply drool and crave and desire almost all that is on here. Peter Payne (the guy who set it up) has an interesting blog. A bit self promoting but interesting none the less.

I want! I want! *whine* I'm in a whiny mood today. Typical Singaporean? *LOL*

Its cool and I have a new pink sweater.

But I want more people to remember I'm here.

I have to self promote. I remmeber writing so many letters my first year here, and got nothing back. Except from a couple of people.

*sigh*

I have mail and therefore happy. Maybe I should head back to bed.

Look at me!

I would like to thank the people who read this, I would like to thank my peers...

Some people actually take this thing too seriously.

I have been threatened with legal action.

Seriously. From the ass I mentioned in my previous post.

But, I have my supporters. The people with common sense. He sent a sms to my Ta saying:

"i might take up some action against fern for publishing my personal mail
online without consent"

Go ahead. Trying to scare me that way doesn't work. Using scare tactics is pathetic and sad. I'm not your typical Singaporean, shrinking away, just because you threaten me with legal action. You really amuse and sicken me, yet I pity you.

You are just crying out for attention, and trying to drive a wedge between me and Ta, ain't gonna work.

At least I have my supporters. People who process common sense.

Like Eugene (the fucking dweller), my knight in shining armour, simply beams with sense and brains.

I need to say nothing more. Eugene has said it for me. Better than I could have for myself.

I'm still gonna write on this blog. Empty threats with no basis what-so-ever. Sorry that I have to be the one to tell ya dude, but I have more balls than you.

Have a nice life.

Hentai! Yoai! YEAH!

Yoai! Yoai!

Harry Potter and Snape???

Yuck. I dunno. I think it looks a bit wrong. He's kinda under-aged. And Snape is kinda old and ugly. ANd I really don't want to think Harry Potter is gay. He acted very 'gay' in the last one. I know Hongie would disagree on that one. Harry Potter not being gay.

I like watching hentai. I admit it.

But, yoai. *smile*

I know its werid, but there is something so sweet about yoai. Two men, so in love. The kissing is sweet, the sex looks so romantic.

I'm off topic here. But, *sigh*

I want a man to love me as much as some gay men. Completely devoted. Completely smitten and in love with the other.

*sigh*

Must be the cold.

Me slammed!

RE: Polite
Message:

At this point, I will still be polite to you. You have the right to write
whatever you want and I can't stop you. But do have a bit of respect for others
privacy. I do not remember telling you how dumb you are. But I DO remember
telling you what a waste it was to do your course when you have a gift in
writing which could be put to better use. Everyone in this fucking place has a
gift of some sort. I am no smarter than you when it comes to baking some cake or
something else. You do not know me well enough to pass judgements. I can't be
like you. I might be from the stone-age because I seen people died in front
tragically in front of me on several occasions and I know how fucking fragile
life is. Whether I love her or not is seriously none of your concern as much as
I would not question over your relationship with Andrew or other men.
Irregardless of my problems with Rita, I never pestered her as much as what you
would like to think. I do not need to address my concerns to you since you have
such selective memory. For your record I can reassure you I am not a fucker. I
don't dwell like Eugene or someone else. I just move away swiftly. On two
occasions, she took the initative to talk to me again. NOT ME! Now, I am at the
stage of moving away again in my own pace. The only thing I do for her to check
out good R&B from time to time because if there is one thing we share, it is
soul R&B.No one is correct or wrong all the time. The determination of
rightness tends to be sway by personal agenda and desires. I think I was right
with her, she thinks she was correct about how she dealt with me and you think
you are right in getting yourself involved unnecessarily. So who is right
afterall. Do not comment only equipped with such one-sided informations.
Normally I don't really care about others opinion. Why I did not have someone to
talk to for 72 hours is because I did not want to bother anyone with my
problems. I did not want to repeat the whole fucking story again to someone and
it takes time.. Half the time, my mobile was off except to talk to her.Shall we
leave this judgement passing to higher beings? We are mere mortal and stop
playing Singaporean (whine, complain, gossip a lot). You can choose to delete me
from your friendster list for all I care. Cheers.

I suddenly remember that post I took was from a PUBLIC blog. Gee how silly of me. Poor Eugene. The dweller. At least he doesnt scare her. I don't know. This message I got is kinda freaky. Plus I did try to delete. I really did. If you are reading this, you can try to. Stupid friendster. hahah And plus, does he even know whether I bake or not? And your mobile on just for her?

Judgement, hmmm, judging. We are both to blame. No matter how, we do. Cos, we are lesser beings. But I mean it. For a person who doesn't care, he has written a lot of messages trying to counter what I said( personally, I doubt I would have bothered) and another blog entry about it. And I'm sure he will read this. Selective memory? hahah False flattery will get u nowhere.

Oh well, you can't please everyone. And I'm glad I'm not. I might lose Ta as a friend as well for this public outburst but as long as everyone is SAFE, I'm willing to take the risk.

Ways to be disturbed... Meet some people I know...

Hey ladies and gentlemen!

Money problems??? (Yes, Myst, this one is for you)
Need a car? Pay off a home loan? Feed the kids? Or just plain broke?

We have the solution to your problem!!!

Starring, the way to fuliful your dreams to find love, happiness and GREAT WEALTH!

Marry an Ugly Millonaire. And to be more disturbed, look at 'sheep'!

I think its a hoax. No one is THAT fugly. But I know its one. Its too comical to be true, or is it? Anything can happen in America.

Another procastination post. I have an assignment due sorta soon. And no motivation to do it. Instead, I choose to look at a bear pooping out prime numbers. It was up to 6449 when I got bored. Again.

And of course of the fact THAT I hate myself for not being able to work. Where do I go? The Insult-O-Matic. Fun. By the way, St. Isidore of Seville is the patron saint of the Internet. I think, or so i heard.

People also do the most useless things. Like iPod Vs the cassette tape? Who will reign supreme?At least the cassette is cheaper and water proof. Plus, it doesnt hurt as much as when you lose/break/destroy for fun one.

Yes, I know I'm just dribbling one.

Might write later if I feel less disturbed. Or if I feel like I have something important to say.

And god, John* (name changed to protect the innocent), you are an utter ass. And if you do anything to hurt my concubine, I will hunt you down. Self pity is a very unattractive trait. Plus, so is insulting others without knowing anything. You are a pompus person who is too full of himself. And if you have no one to talk to for 72 hours, think, was it a personal choice? Or maybe, you should ask, why is it that no one wants to talk to me? Maybe, maybe, the problem isn't the world, it's you. Stop trying to get pity from me or anyone.

And never come near me again. I will not associate myself with such people. I let a person to at least have some respect for themselves and not lick their 'wounds' in public, begging for attention and sympathy.

And this is it. The infamous blog entry I was talking about. And yes, I can post up anything I want. Read it, and I wonder who he is talking about???


"I must one of few rare people walking in this place. I am not modest at all with my intelligence and I don't need any reassurance from anyone about it. Yet in my emotional world, I am witless. I constantly make silly mistakes. I must confess my loneliness is gaining the upperhand and I seems to be rallying for a lost cause. I am so imbalance. My distribution of IQ and EQ is so disproportional. When I was 16, some people did an extensive IQ test on me and found that I was about 135, which puts me in the 2 percentile in the world population, unless smoking reduces my preception drastically. Recently when I did my EQ test, it came to be about 65. The norm for EQ is between 90-110. I am too extreme and impatient. There are only yes and no to me all the time and now I am choking on it. I often begged for redemption but my actions fall short, bringing along with it short intense purgatory. In short, I am f**ked........
Asked me a question about science, history or general issues, there might be a chance I could address. Asked me about who loves who on tele, silences will be what that follows next. Unfortunately, at this junction of my life, it is more important to address the latter than the former. I am trying really really hard but.....Honestly, I do not know what is going on in girl's mind. It is more confusing than quantum mechanics (and I really find quantum difficult to grasp).

Someone broke my heart twice in 5 weeks and it is all my own doing. When I told that someone that I was leaving for good, she doesn't really give a shit. I realised I was nothing, absolutely nothing to her. However, she is not to blame, for I was. All I really wanted was to be able to talk, to lookout for, to laugh, to cry, to smile. I can spend all my time left with her, even without any physical intimacy whatsoever. Is this love?

There is a little story I would like to share for all you who are spending time reading my stupid blog. I once spend 3 years taking the same MRT route (mass rapid transport in singapore i.e subway) with this girl and I had never spoken a single word to her. The problem is that I lived in the north east (hougang) while she lives in the east(Simei). Back then, I would take the train with her all the way to her station and take a return route back to cityhall before catching a bus back. Did that for about 3 years during schooldays. At the end of my studies, on the last trip, I sat beside her and for the first time I spoke. "I am finishing soon and I am going to the army". There was a such a silence during our trip and before she alighted, she turned and say,"You are so mean, for after so many years, I still do not know your name". Before I could tell her my name, she left. When I first returned home from military training, I could still recalled that I was down with a high fever on that Saturday. Still I sat by the train station all day alone waiting just to catch a glimpse of her. Unfortunately I never see her again.......

We went to her friends' place for a get-together together. Between 9pm to 3am in the morning, she was having so much fun and it felt so good to hang around with her. My gut felt terrible right from the start but I really felt so happy just to be with her. Every other moment, I felt so much pain but her smiles and laughters were so real to me. A month ago it would be unimaginable. I did not want to stop the party both for me and her. After the party, I drove her home and walked her to her doorstop. At that point, I knew my gut was massively hemorrhaging because I could taste the scent of blood in my lips. I knew that it could be life-threatening because it has been ongoing for 6 hours or so. The funnest thing was that at that point of time, what that goes through my mind was that I would really need a hug from this girl, even just to say goodnite. I saw her to her door and left hastly before it was bleeding through my nose and I don't want her to see it. Went to ER next and came down with a fever the following day. 48 hour window was what I have left. Fever came and go over the next couple of days and during that time so many things I shouldn't say, I did. Now I lost her and during those days when I was sick, she never visit me. Her reasoning was that she does not want to give me any false hopes. I really don't need any hopes, I just needed comforting. That was all I wanted. Even if one has no feelings for someone, one would still visit. At least I would.
This world can be so lonely........
Hello sadness........................."

And there it is. A bit hard to read, but hey, I didnt write it. I'm jus so angry that anyone can treat one of my friend's so badly. She has a mind, a brain and knows when a man is still in the stone-age.

Good luck with stuff. God knows you need it. And, as I mentioned above, ANYTHING happens to my Ta, I know who to look for.

PS He has known Ta for 6months. Love? *snort* If you meet him, you will know what I mean. Doesn't let anyone get a word in and HE is right. Told me I was dumb to be doing my course. Doesn't even realise what my degree is about. And if you are in hospital for A DAY for observation...

THis is a bitch. But I am sick of this. It's all out.

Things in life that make you i.e. ME go EEEKKK!

1. Walking by a bathroom, mainly a male’s room, and some guy walks out and you see that they are zipping their pants as they step through the door. Really, how long does it take to zip your damn fly before you open the door?
2. The same men (and possibly women) not washing their hands after using the bathroom. Seriously, that doesn't take long either! And since you are there, there's soap and paper towels for a reason.
3. Women who after using the toilet, proceed to the sink area and fix their hair. No washing of hands. Just touching of head and face. Then they walk out. EEEK!
4. Being called an 'it'. People seem to be confused to what my gender is. So, 'it' I shall be.
5. When you order coffee, and they fuck up and give you decaf. In the morning. Before 9am. Before your first cig. Before your eyes have cleared up. While your brain is still in auto pilot.
6. Buying the top you been eyeing for the last 2 months. Next day, its 50% off. At the same shop.
7. Spiders in Australia. Saw a Redback in the backyard. EEK was not the only word I used.
8. Finding the last cigerette in a box. Priceless. Smoking it and realising its at least 3 months old, EEEEKKK!!! *spit spit*
9. Half way through an essay, just as you are about to click on the 'save' button, it hangs. Or the electricity gets cut.
10. Rent increases. And paying 8 cents per megabyte download for internet usage. Stupid Flinders Housing.
11. People writing about YOU on their blogs.
12. Getting the mobile phone bill.
13. Getting any form of bills.
14. The moment before you look at your assignment grade.
15. EEEEKKKK! You saw your grade.
16. Walking in on your parents doing the dirty. Making the beast with two backs. You know what I mean.
17. Your mother telling you how your father needs sex at least thrice a week.
18. Realising you only have $10 left in your bank account and its 3 days til payday.
19. The current petrol prices everywhere. I remember when gas was 85cents a litre. Now its $1.38. Now that's what you call inflation.
20. When planes land, and they start shaking from side to side. Oh yes, OH FUCKING OATH, that's an EEKK moment.
21. When the alarm goes off and in your dream, you are just about to 1.find out what's behind the secret door, 2. announce the murderer of Mrs Tacket, 3. rip off Travis Fimmel's shirt and have your dirty way with him. All good, all bad.
22. And lastly, especially for me, MY BIRTHDAY! EEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKK! Getting old physically, mentally still 5.

I'm playing hostress to Milla's parents. They come from Norway tomorrow. 935am in the morning! I hate mornings with a passion.

But I am the good husband. If people think I'm her domestic partner, I better act the part.

*cough, scratch balls*

Clowns and Melbourne and my secret or not-so-secret desires...

Melbourne, the place I intend to go to soon. But should I? In the light of recent threats, I don't know. I was looking forward to it in a way, but even before tonight, it didn't feel right. I am not saying I have the 'sixth sense' or anything. But something about this trip didn't sit well with me. I should still go though. Fear holds you back. I think the simpicity of the guy's words in the video hit me the most.

"Yesterday, London and Madrid, tomorrow, Los Angeles and Melbourne."

Said, simply, with such great conviction, he truely knows what he feels he has to do. He might be an American Muslim, but he is still a person with beliefs. A friend says it's probably Melbourne in Florida that they want to hit. I doubt it. But enough of this. All they want to do is create fear. Fear cripples you. Plus if i do get blown to bits, it saves on cremation costs. Dying is an expensive business.

Clowns. The scariest things on earth.There can be none scarier.

Possibly, in my last life, I was brutally killed by one. There was nothing left of my poor body except for bits of skin. It killed me as one would defeather a chicken.

Or perhaps they just freak me out badly.

There are several reasons why I find clowns bad. These are them:

• Nothing, NOTHING on earth is that happy. There is something very eerie about anyone who is so happy. It's un-natural.
• They dress so brightly and cheerfully. Although I love stage and drama and even don't mind mime, its so, I can't explain it. Its very strange and out of this world.
• They make fun of you. It's gentle teasing yes, but there's something sinister lurking beneath those depths.
• EVIL, EVIL, EVIL clowns. You never know what they are gonna pull out of their pocket next.
• I have never liked clowns. Ask my mother. Don't trust them.

Milla says the reasons why I dislike them are easy to understand, but how it came about is another story. I did a quick search on the web, and the first picture was the nicest looking clown I could find. The last one, is freaky. That's how they all look like to me. I expect them to jump on me and start attempting to stuff their rubber chicken down my throat and squirt water up my nose and sodomize me with their shoes. I may be too dramatic, but I believe me. These are NOT my secret desires.

Enough on clowns, I need some sleep tonight.

Secret desires, what do I want?

I crave friendship. It's a funny thing, cos I have many friends. But, I want more here, in Adelaide. I find Adelaideans hard to understand. I desire to know what aura I have around me that repels people away. Males especially. It's hard going out sometimes with the most gorgeous girl and you find yourself not feeling very attractive. You keep your head up, but you still don't quite succeed.

*sigh*

I also want want want a black iPod Nano. My secret public (oxymoron!) desire. I might be getting it for Christmas. I want! I want! I want!

Some people have heads so big, I wonder how they get through doors!

Some people are so full of themselves.

I am part of that group sometimes, but that normally is an event relating to my hair or my pretty shoes. I am a very deep deep individual.

What irritates me are people who feel they are better than every/anyone else. Who goes around saying:

"I am not modest at all with my intelligence and I don't
need any reassurance from anyone about it. "

Hold your breath, there is more.

"When I was 16, some people did an extensive IQ test on me
and found that I was about 135, which puts me in the 2 percentile in the world
population."

Firstly, IQs are just a number. And any one can tell you they are not THAT accurate. And oh world. Top 2% in the world. That means, out of 6 billion people, there are about (forgive my maths) 120 million people as 'smart' as or smarter than you. That's a figure.

Who says things like that? Someone I know. I know that person reads this blog, well, too bad. If you put something out on your blog, get prepared for people to read it and comment on it. I may seem harsh, but that is something that REALLY gets my goat, or so ther saying goes.

Having a 'high' IQ brings about expectations. People want you to, expect you to do well in life. I think having a reasonably high/above average/average IQ is a curse. Who commits sucide? WHo is sitting on the couch complaining about life? Who is sitting around thinking? People who can.

I'm not not say what mine is. Parents had to have their little angel i.e. me tested. I did okay but IQs also change with age. A 2 year old being able to tell that a picture of a piano is missing its black keys and a 21 yr old doing so, quite different.

I remember the test quite clearly. And because of it, I feel, I have always failed in life.

I never did anything (or so I feel) that is 'worthy' of what I should be able to achieve, according to those three digits. I been pushed, bullied, forced into doing things I don't want to do, just cos someone saw the 'potential' in me.

It's hard wearing this hat that everyone seems to see. And I rarely live up to expectations, cos I really don't want to. I really didn't even want to go to university. But, here I am, and struggle I must. I have problems with time management. Constantly mix up weeks, days and times. I think i have chronic fatige. I sleep too much, I really CANT get up in the mornings sometimes. I bite my nails (getting better, quitting), I smoke too much, I drink too much, too much caffine. I eat too much junk food, I don't eat enough vegatables and fruit. I can't say no to chocolate. My assignments are almost always a day late. I do okay in Uni, Ps, Cs and Ds. Some Ds, not many. I don't feel a need to try much harder. I normally do my assignment the day before or the day itself. I somehow seem to pass. I can't manage money. I'm terribly shallow when it comes to some things. I'm a brand whore, I like bags and shoes too much. I dribble. I surf the net aimlessly many a time.

I waste my money on stupid things, like pretty tissue boxes and funky nail polish and brightly coloured eye liners. I'm getting terribly lazy with Kara, my penpal from Ohio. I still have a penpal, which is cool in a way. I'm too noisy, have terrible table manners, sneeze too much and I like to take many many showers a day.

But, what I am getting at is, people don't always see this. Especially adults. I mean I am offically one but you know what I mean. I'm gifted, I'm made for the field. I'm so intelligent. I should write a book.

Boo hoo hoo. BAH! I like to think I'm not full of myself. I know my many flaws but I also see some of my good points. My drama queeness will not be tamed.

As I try to live for myself, it's hard. I still live off my parents, so independence is not complete. I'm just a bit sore about that blog entry. The one that was referred to above. I might put a link to it sometime soon. Or leave me a message. I'll email it to you.

Well, my life has been mostly consisting of 'never doing anything right or good enough'. I have to live with that.

Me and my 'great expectations'.

Wish I was like Estella, too bad I'm more like Miss Havisham.

Always liked Estella. Something about her reminds me of Milla. But, I admire her and her calm acceptance of what she is, was made to be.

“I begin to think,” said Estella, in a musing way, after another moment of
calm wonder, “that I almost understand how this comes about. If you had brought
up your adopted daughter wholly in the dark confinement of these rooms, and had
never let her know that there was such a thing as the daylight by which she has
never once seen your face—if you had done that, and then, for a purpose, had
wanted her to understand the daylight and know all about it, you would have been
disappointed and angry? . . .” “Or,” said Estella, “—which is a nearer case—if
you had taught her, from the dawn of her intelligence, with your utmost energy
and might, that there was such a thing as daylight, but that it was made to be
her enemy and destroyer, and she must always turn against it, for it had
blighted you and would else blight her—if you had done this, and then, for a
purpose, had wanted her to take naturally to the daylight and she could not do
it, you would have been disappointed and angry? . . .”“So,” said Estella, “I
must be taken as I have been made. The success is not mine, the failure is not
mine, but the two together make me.”

So thus, as I was made.

Avocado... Avocado! Of avocados, R.B.T, footy and my favourite things!

Love comes in many forms.

For me, it comes in my dogs, avocados, muah chee, cockles, chocolate, the colour purple, sparkly shiny things, Louis Vuitton bags, and doing things for the first time. The first time for anything is always a life altering experience.

But, what is a R.B.T? I had my first EVER one today. Its random breath testing. I guess cos it was after the footy game.

Port Adelaide Vs Adelaide Crows

You know the streets are just gonna be flooded in blood. Not too many fights. But Port was left lying in the dust and then some. Crows won by 86 points. Australian footy is a game quite far from my heart, so therefore this sudden interest is only due cos it was a LOCAL match which everyone was watching.

But as usual, digression. My R.B.T was funny. I was actually happy to be pulled over and because of that the police already thought I was drunk. Did I mention I also commented that "this is the first time I was blowing?" Dirty minds, people. Tsk tsk. You know what I mean, and how it came out wasn't quite good.

The Royal Adelaide Show finished its run today. Quite sad. I always enjoy it. Most of all, the candy floss. Or fairy floss. I come from a tropical humid island, and candy floss there basically shrivels to a pea as soon as it's handed to you. So, I like dry Adelaide for that reason. It gives me time to finish my candy floss normally and not have to pry it off the stick in sticky clumps.

By the way, thats me and my most favored concubine, Rita of Brit-Aussie-Malaysian heritage. So wives, you can see, she is beautiful but I have enough love for you all. Su, indian wife in Canada, wherefore art thou??? She's sorta MIA and if anyone can tell me her whereabouts, please. First Wife, I still love you. Therefore, I drive you to work. 6am!!! 6 FREAKING am. My goodness... At least I can sleep after that.

Need to sleep, and make the long haul to Central Market in the city for avocados. Yummy yummy avocados. Buy 6 for $2. Its so good

Sweet dreams are made of cheese, but that's another story.

Digressing as usual...

What am I doing?

I should be working on another assignment. But instead, I am merrily playing useless online games.

Here are my 5 top picks.

1. Penguin Bashing (Thanks Indian Stallion for the link! See ya when I get back to Singapore)
2. Dancing Upon My Enemy's Grave or Dilbert does the dirty work. It takes a while, but its worth it. Any one noticed how much I like Dogbert?
3. The ever classic Insaniquarium!!! Grow fish, feed fish with fish, watch them shit gold, fight aliens that eat your fish and best of all, a mermaid that sings and makes your fish crap even more gold!
4. What else do people like other than sharp wit and humor? Sex! NAKED CHICKS! Wasted 45mins playing this. I managed to hump the girl in the end. My tip? Earn lots of money, drink LOADs of beer and work out. Ganguro girls in the dating sim world dig muscley, rich, brainless men.
5. Not really a game site. Just really really funny. I don't know why, and I don't mean to be racially offensive, but hearing a little Japanese family calling each other 'Nigger', is dead funny. I watched it twice. Watch for the bit with the daughter, talk about motivation!!

Anyway, this being over. I wonder how many copyrights I have violated by putting this up. I have to share it. Dogbert is my hero. Plus Scott Adams deserves all the credit. Just some free advertising. Visit www.dilbert.com for all your boredom-canceling needs.

Needless to say, the last pic is currently my wallpaper. My little Catholic soul could not resist some protection from the patron saint of nice people constantly tormented by stupid people. I should put Saint Dogbert's medal on my car as well.

I think St Christopher just lost a job.