Revenge of the Green Nicotine Fairy

The Post Office Hates Me

2007-05-17T01:29:00.000+09:30

I hate Norwegian Post.

Enough said.

My Room, My Haven

2007-05-10T00:48:00.000+09:30

I like my room.

It has one big bed. I have 2 bookcases full of my favorite books. I also have my laptop AND internet at the same time! Woohoo!

Not to mention, I have my dressing table, overflowing with makeup and earrings. I have 2 cupboards full of my clothes. And stuff. I also have a television, a DVD player and my PS2.

On my big bed is 2 pillows and a bolster. I also have 3 blankets on it. And a boomarang pillow. The mattress is firm and supercomfy.

My room has a aircon option, which is used freely. Most days anyway.

I also have an alarm clock that sings "it's a small world" when it rings.

Why am I typing this?

It is is because I love my room.

The number one reason why I love my room is because...

there are NO children in here.

None. Zip. Zlich. Nada.

Plus it smells pretty.

PS. Hating the little shit-take mushrooms at the moment. See what I did there? Made swearing kid friendly. Products of slugs. Hoover dam... them. A hundred smelly chickens!

The Reverse Romance Novel That Is Me

2007-03-21T14:21:00.000+10:30

I was sitting down on the bus the other day, (no more public transport soon! :P) and reading a Mills & Boon novel.

I hear the gags and 'why u reading that shit" but, it's brainless and short. Anyway, it was called "Tamed By Her Husband".

Cheesy?

There was no S&M elements to spice it up but here's the story. Bear with me, it won't take long.

Poor rich girl scandal. Poor rich girl sleeps with married man. Runs away. Strong, silent, handsome, bastardy, RICH man has bad impression of poor rich girl, nonetheless, hunts her out for her daddy's sake. She has always loved him. Him always sexually attracted to perfect blonde girl. Turns out poor rich girl doesnt take daddy's money but works as a relief worker. They sleep together. *poof* Girl is virgin, therefore scandal false! They fall in love, not without the guy leaving then returning to confess "I always loved you". They get married and have a baby. While mantaining perfect bodies.

NOW, reverse this. Or anti it. Like Rich Girl to Poor Girl. Perfect Blonde to Normal Chick.

You get the gist.

It's just that someone I used to love keeps popping into my life this week.

He still utters, in a way, what i want to hear. What I used to hope for.

But, too late! I'm gone and I'm out.

I'm not on the lookout for that soulmate or do I wish to become a baby making machine.

All around me, must be my age, people are talking about marriage. I spoke to someone the other day. She insisted since she and her boyfriend had been dating for 2 years, they should go get 'ROMed". (It's the Registry of Marriages for those whom do not know) How old was she?

22.

Just 22.

Yeah, right...

But, if they are happy, it's up to them!

So yes, the reverse romance.

If I find the time to go for my facials, pedicures, manicures and massages, I think then I can manage a partner.

Btw, I haven't been to a facial in almost a year.

The demends of work never end!!!

Long time No blog

2007-03-11T23:14:00.000+10:30

I been super busy with work and classes. I am attempting my Trinity Drama Cert, Grade 6.

Work is crazy.

I am earning the money, yes of course. But I am so tired day after day that I have no time to spend it! :)

Am eyeing the new spring '07 calvin klein collection of shoes. Bright happy colours.

Sadly, heels are not used in my line of work. *sigh*

Btw, Fat Louie escaped briefly today. He was caught after much worry, tears and mud.

I'll explain later.

PRESENTING...

2007-01-31T22:44:00.000+10:30

Lucifer and Pickles! Pickles is the smaller one and (obviously) Lucifer is the bigger one. They like wrestling as it can be seen here!

The rats get a hammock, why can't I?

Sleeping sleeping lazy rats. Bascially what they do all day! Lazy buggers...

They are both boys (no babies for me, thank you, irregardless of gender or specis)

They are super friendly and love Coco pops.

So, there they are!!!

PICKLES AND LUCIFER!

PS It's Louie for short.

Goals For The Semi-New Year

2007-01-24T20:13:00.000+10:30

Buy a car! (Almost there!)
Buy a car in a normal colour! On a three year loan :)
Learn to say "NO"
Learn to really say "NO"
Tone down the compassion meter
Really, REALLY learn to say "NO"
Be able to tell people when I am busy
Not get so caught up in what people think
Save enough for a trip to Norway. And be able to travel and eat. $20 for a bus ride? X(
Not buy so many shoes!
Must not lose papers connected to work
Watch more children's TV

Hey, for the money I'm earning *ching ching*, Barney becomes all worthwhile.

*Grin*

Work And What Not To Name A Child

2007-01-22T01:18:00.000+10:30

Hello everyone.

Work has been consuming my life. Ah, the pain. So the updates will be slower now. So much slower.

I am working 2 jobs so I can soon (hopefully next month, *cross fingers*) afford the downpayment for a car. I'm looking at the Nissan March or Suzuki Swift. If its a March, its NOT gonna be a faggotly blue. If it's a swift, NO YELLOW.

But do I really want a seven year loan? Shall think a bit more.

WOrk, work, work.

I wish sometimes I was unemployed so that I could sleep in everyday. And when I wake up, people are having their lunch breaks. *evil laughter*

I have to clean up my room. I have to clean the house, I have to bathe the dogs. I have so much to do, yet no energy to do it.

So yes, work.

Has anyone noticed that parents in Singapore give their kids the weridest names????? Here is a top ten list of what not to name your precious bundle of overpriced bankrupting 'joy'.

Dewey
Giselle
Kliona
Zola
Kyrisha
Slanue
Lyniute
LaKyshian
Aapplee (not a typo, sadly enuff)
Baron

I am not kidding on ANY of these names. Giselle is probably the most normal, if not the most depressing.

And try pronouncing Slanue in a class and not laugh out loud. And, Aapplee is pronounced 'Apple' apparently. In which language? *sigh* Parents, sometimes...

Try pronouncing it, full stop.

So people, Aunty Fern's lesson of the day is, DON'T TORTURE YOUR CHILD.

Give her/him a name which will not cause him too much pain or embaressment. Wedgies in the playground are not pleasant what-so-ever.

Happy Belated New Year!

2007-01-11T23:42:00.000+10:30

To all, Happy Belated New Year! The above is a present to all of you. It is a bra I am going to give to my wife. So, all of you, have the gift of X-ray vision. *muah ha ha ha ha ha*New shoes! Bright red shoes, not as if you can't see that.

Okay, Bush is an ass

Spending 6.8 billion on Iraq?

How bout the homeless in America?

All the single parents, the drug addicts, and the really really poor in the States?

Merry Christmas! God Jul!

2006-12-25T04:20:00.000+10:30

Onion rings and Christmas make good friends. And masks. Carl Jr's has good food but HUGE servings. Go fried zuccininis!

Debby, Denise and Milla. Big big big 10 course chinese dinner. Typical chinese, fish, sharks fin, cold dish (READ: Lobster), chicken, scallops, sea cucumber, octopus and yummy yummy deserts. My god. Food was too good.

And for simple food. Chicken rice. Normal, non-australian chicken rice. Chicken perfect, rice non-mushy. Chilli sauce, bliss. This is the one at the bottom of Siglap Drive. Near my grandma's place.

So good. And the wanton soup.

SO in the spirit of the holiday, and the feasting to come,

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Animals In Australia

2006-12-12T19:39:00.000+10:30

Meerkats! Enuff said. Too cute. I want one as a pet. Or two. Or ten.

An emu. I do not know why they wander free either. I heard they are dangerous as well as delicious. Actually, I know for a fact that they are delicious ^.^

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...

Anyway, many thanks to wifie for the photos. I stole them!!! *muah ha ha ha*

She's coming to Singapore in 2days!

Anyway, despite the fact I talk about my wifie and only her face appears on me blog, I do have other friends.

I just don't know if they would like to be so umm public.

Anyway, soon wifie!!!

Ta ta!

Shut Your Eyes

2006-12-10T14:58:00.000+10:30

This is some story I am writing. I reserve all rights. This is just chapter One but there may be more. So shut your eyes, open them, and read. Remember, take it with a pinch of salt. it's meant to be fun :)

The teenage girl (the scientific name being stripling pimply pubertas) is a mammal of the family Bitchiesus Explorus Huntis. Teenage girls are the second most intelligent human group after the adult female (brightus smartus). Their overly made-up faces, short skirts and hormonal-based behavior are easy to spot. In the wild, the teenage period may last up to ten years, many ignoring the word “teen” in the numeral system. In captivity, teenage girl behavior may last anywhere between two months and fifty years. Their weight varies greatly, but tends to range from fifty to six hundred pounds.

They are found all over the world, in every continent, in every country. Teenage girls are predatory carnivores who live in groups, commonly known as cliques. The clique, as a general rule, has five members.

The leader casts a daunting figure. She is everything the rest of the pack is not, yet so desperately crave to be. She is normally the flirtiest, most outgoing, skinniest and least clothed of the lot. If she is not the least clothed, then the tightest it shall be. Her Blackberry is a formidable weapon. The teenage queen is a superb master and defender of her pack and territory, especially the male prey of the moment. Anyone overtaking her at any point is promptly expelled from the pack.

Then, the right hand man is her clone. This is normally the best friend. Same physical qualities normally, but usually much sluttier. This is to gain the attention the clone needs. There is not much to say about the clone except she would suffer from low self-esteem. The clone is also used as a decoy for the leader to gain men flesh.

The next on the list are, usually but can contain much more, the two wingmen. Two teenage girls act as the support and props for the two above them. They usually carry out the dirty work and have to clean up after the hunt. Normally, one of the prettier girls will belong in the group. Regardless of who kills the prey, the queen usually eats her fill first with the rest of the pack staying at a respectful distance away. Typically, the queen will not tolerate outside female teen queens.

Last on this list, the sole remaining pack member. The token fat chick. There to make the rest look better. She is the one who male prey flock to in a lame attempt to win the affections of the queen and her clone.

Well, I’m that token fat chick. Blubbery, unattractive, and bait. Come here, men meat. Come, come, let us feed the insatiable appetites of the Queen and her clone. Long may she live. I live on the outskirts of the pack and feed on the scraps. I feel about thrice the size of my Queen. However, I live but to serve. Long may she live.

I often ask myself why do I even bother putting up with the abuse. I’m always there when they need someone to cry to, to whinge and whine to. But when the male of the moment makes an appearance, I am promptly forgotten. Why do I put up with everything that happens? I know, the ants to sugar theory. They missed out one thing though.
The lonliness. I am so lonely, I’m afraid my gut will tear. It’s that feeling in your throat, when you can’t breathe because this huge lump is constricting you. You desperately swallow, trying to get any air you can. This is me and them. I take what I can get. I watch and allow my shoulder to be soaked with salty warm tears.

So not only am I a tissue, I’m also a big fat virgin. A fat, fat lonely virgin whom shall never see a male naked, let alone have him want to do anything to me. Everyone else has had someone else. What about me? Is the flab really so unattractive? I know the answer to that. Yes. Fat chicks do not make good girlfriends. They do not project the image nor promote the social standing of any said teenage or early twenties boy.

For clarity and sense to enter my life, I have decided to write down my observations of teenage girl world in this journal. I will not use dates, it is of no consequence to know exactlly when all my activities occurred. Instead, I shall try and label my entries with a bit of omph, a bit of class. That’s all that I can do well. The teens are certainty a difficult time.

Welcome to my world.

Weather Wise...

2006-12-01T21:34:00.000+10:30

Orange flowers! Again. Yes, I know!

A family picture! Haha. Ignore the fact I look like I'm pregnant. Me, the man, and my darling wifie. And the child, in my hands, Steve the Queen. Yes, Aunty Gerri, Steve the Queen can take on Bambi. And eat him alive. And spit out the bones without the marrow.

Cookie sleeping looks so innocent. Little do we know. Animals and people look so innocent when they sleep. *sigh*

I Said, "Nevermore", But I Lied

2006-11-27T13:47:00.000+10:30

Dear Alcohol, especially in the form of Stella, Appletinis, Chocolate Martinis n CranberryVodkas,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer with the game, and you're even around in the holiday's hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences, briefed below for your review.

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a kabob with chili sauce, along with a big Italian hoagie some stale chips (washed down with chocolate Nesquik & topped off with a Kit Kat all after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day is beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Pictures: This can be a blessing in disguise, as it can often clarify the last point below, but the following costumes are banned from ever being placed on my head in public again: Indian wigs, sombreros, bows, ties, boxes, upside-down cups, inflatable balloon animals, traffic cones, or bras. Also, what is with you making me take pictures with people I clearly don't like when I'm sober? Yet they suddenly become my best friends when a flash is presented?

5. Beer goggles: If I think I may know him/her from somewhere, I most likely do not. Please do not request that I go over & see if in fact, I do actually know that person. The phrase "let's F***" is illegal from now on. While I may be thinking this, please reinstate the brain-to-mouth-block that would stop this thought from becoming a statement, especially in public. Please stop me from talking to the guy/girl with the crooked teeth; acned-up face; bad breath; beer belly, etc. Why are they so appealing to me while I'm with you & why are they so disgusting to me the next morning after you have worn off??

6. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to me/passing out facedown on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms.

You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your biggest fan

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

Distance

2006-11-13T23:43:00.000+10:30

Yes, according to Singapore standards, where I stay is far away in the depths of the green scary isolated forest.

Yes, I get that. I also get that I normally have to drive to the person's/friend/other human's place for contact and social outings.

Irregardless of which country I am in.

I am sick of going to people.

So far, so out of the way, they bitch.

HEY!

HOW BOUT ME?

Years and years I have made the time and effort to travel up and back for all.

I am heartily sick of it.

And when I ask a favor, ONE LITTLE FAVOR, I get it smashed back in my face.

So, screw the world.

Give me some understanding here. And for once, come to me.

Boredom Being Killed

2006-10-25T23:00:00.000+09:30

I got an email. Thought I might as just answer it here instead of bothering the my entire mailing list. This is one of the dumbest ones I got...

When is the last time you held hands withsomeone?:Umm... I'm not quite into that. Sweaty palms... Eww1

If you woke up as the opposite gender, what's the1st thing you do? Mastabate, pee standing up (a dream of mine), and then screw as many women as possible. And oh yeah, have gay sex! Too cool!

Have you ever crawled through a window? My room windows have grills. Bars. Unless I were Nicole Richie? No chance in hell. Do umm class room windows count?

Where is your mom? Watcha wanna know for? Sheesh.

Morning or night person? Owl. Me owl. Hoot.

What was the last movie you watched?:Miami Vice. Yes I am ashamed. I had free tickets though. Friends? Come back!

Do you have a crush on anyone right now?:I'm completely in LURVE with the nephew kid on Ugly Betty. He is so cute and is so gonna be a flaming homosexual when he grows up. So yes. I love gay men. And no, I am no fag hag 2.

Any cool scars?:Yes. On my face, a bunny bite. Lame I know, but true. On my arm, an air pellet scar. Stoopid ex-bf acccidently shot me, or so he says. I like to think so.

Things about the opposite sex you notice first.: I am an ass woman. Then I work my way up. My theory is, even if the male be fugly, at least you enjoy part of the perving process.

What is your curfew?:Darling... I am not 16 anymore.

Would you ever dye your hair red?:So many times? I lurve red and blonde together.

Last text says: Umm, something about my wife saying I was so manly her toes tingled. I think. Or I could be making this up. Who knows? ^.^

What career would you wish to be in?:Tai Tai-dom. Any takers? If not, I guess, computer/video game tester! Rock on!

Which country would you like to visit?: Country? You mean countries. It's way too many to put down here. So I should list the places I do not wanna go to. Uganda. Iran. Afgansitan. Saudi Arabia. Gee, all done.

Do you want a well paying job or a job you enjoy?: Both if I can get it. But if not, money. Lots and lots of money. Then after a while, I can do the enjoyment bit.

What did you wear today? Pjs? Been a bit under the weather so been lounging in my peter alexander top and CK pj pants. Yes, I am a nightwear snob. So sue me.

When were you last on the phone?:20mins ago. It's still warm. My ear and the phone.

What were the shoes you wore today?:None what so ever. Hippy!

Do you like math?:Didn't quite like it but was pretty okay at it.

How about History?:Lurved it, Lurved it. Me likie violence.

Have you ever seen 5 squirrels at one time?:At the zoo? Do flying squirrels count? I mean they swoop. Crazy things. Crazier than penguins, and that's saying something.

Can you touch you're nose with you're tongue?: *trying* No, and I do not need to. That isn't useful. Twitching your ears or flaring your nostrils are.

Who's your favorite person to talk to online?: It coud be anyone, at any given time. I sorta have moods for people.

Have you ever used photobucket?:Nope. Flicker. And something Fish. I can't remember.

Do you like hugs?:Depends from whom.

Do you want to be a doctor?:No. The question is, do you wanna be WITH a doctor? Ke ke ke ke ke ke ke ke. No, I'm not horny whatsoever. Ke ke ke ke ke.

Have you ever fallen asleep with gum in your mouth?:Once. It was not pleasant.

What do you do right before you go to bed?Shut my book. Or laptop and grab my blanket. And Piglet.

Right when you get out of bed? Run to the loo to pee. Ah, bliss.

Do you want to be famous?
Depends how. There's movie star famous, author famous, and within certain elite groups famous. Not to mention bad famous like Charles Manson ( good old chuckie). And within certain countries famous (Example: Taufik. IE if you from singapore, you know). Politican famous. And being a stupid ass famous, think George Bush and John Howard. Oh gee, they both fall into the idiotic politican famous.

So do I wanna be famous? It all depends which group I fall in.

There! Boredom killed for 10minutes.

Dude, I need a coffee. Later!

Toothpicks Need Not Apply

2006-10-24T10:42:00.000+09:30

Just a quick update. Still awake. No need for any foreign object to pry my eyes open.

Eat, eat, for today is a day to feast.

Lontong today. My tummy can't wait.

Selamat Hari Raya Everyone!

Have a great day!

Sleepless Where-ever

2006-10-24T05:31:00.000+09:30

Okay. It's almost 4am and yet the Sandman has yet to toss his blinking sand in my eyes.

I admit, I love my sleep but getting to the sleeping bit??

Tough.

I am an insomniac. And for fuck's sake this is not funny anymore.

It's annoying to have to pop a pill to sleep. It's annoying when you don't and you just lie in bed, and your head just buzzes with the most stupid, random things.

Should I mop the floor?

Say, what was the names of all the people in Take That? (Actually and sadly true) Gary Barlow, Something Owen, Robbie Williams and who gives a crap bout the other two? Actually, who gives a crap about any of them at all?

What would happen if Logan and Joan actually got together? (My Sims2 charaters)

Should they have a baby or adopt?

Maybe if I won the sweepstakes, what would I do? What percentage should I save? How bout that bag? And my first Jimmy Choos! Not to mention a car. Hmmm...

Am I really doing okay?

Do people actually like me?

Does anyone but me notice how fat I am???

My mind wanders. And this highly annoys me.

Things in my life irritate me. I can't seem to find joy in much these days. Except smoking and the occasional booze.

I feel life is going downhill.

I doubt sometimes that my friends are my friends. Maybe I'm a pity 'mate'.

Maybe I'm a pity fuck as well. Maybe that's why I attract werido men. Anywhere in the world, HOW THE FUCK DO THEY FIND ME?

I love and hate my friends at the same time. How two faced is that? I know it is but, I can't help how I feel. I do control my actions but isn't that little voice in you, just deserves to be spliced?

It's odd how I really don't want a boyfriend but I envy (a little bit) those whom do. I mean, it must be nice to have someone there most of the time.

I'm bored, honey. Let's just hang out and watch DVDs. Okies, sure thing. I mean, your weekends and nights and days are sorta planned. And if not, BACKUP!

I do enjoy my alone time. I truly do. But sometimes, I crave people, but when I get them, I feel I have to smile just cos I should.

Smile, smile, smile.

I'm not saying I don't enjoy company. Sometimes, it's just too much hard work.

I'm tired now, but my eyes won't close and give me peace.

I'm out of pills as you can see. Wednesday, I shall be able to sleep once more.

The only thing with pills, that I really miss, are my dreams.

I don't remember any of my dreams anymore.

I miss them.

Beer... Beer!

2006-09-18T22:12:00.000+09:30

The beer, which I swear is one of the BEST in the world, was as big as my face! Now, that is a pint!
Cousin Debby and me before our night out! We both look very hot if I do say so myself! I really don't think we look THAT much alike, but I think I can see the family resemblance. We both look way too good to be human! :)
The Singapore River by night. It is beautiful. Peaceful and serene, as long as you ignore the drunk vomiting people around you! And stay out of the flow... Also must ignore drunk bikies!

Hard Gay, Penises, and the Answer

2006-09-18T21:16:00.000+09:30

Anyway, watch the above. Remember to let it load up completely first for your viewing pleasure.

And yes, there are shopping carts at Ikea. The answer for the last guessing game.

Am addicted to HARD GAY! WOOOOOOO! (Search on YouTube, just type in Hard Gay)

The song is about penises and I therefore dedicate it to my wifie.

IRON PENISES! BLACK AGAINST FLESH!

WOOOOOOOOOOO!

It's the GUESSING GAME!

2006-09-13T23:39:00.000+09:30

*cough* Yes, it is that PART of a MALE kangaroo. And it looks pretty big, so it must be a warm day! >.< Bad joke, but tourists lurve buying these little coin purses that actually are kangaroo balls or scrotum, to be more medical and less vulgar. Somehow, it reminds me of a water balloon, ready to burst...
Ah, good old Adelaide. This is in the centre of the city called Victoria Square, as you can see from the sign. Who is this? Do a close up and see!!! (i.e cos i have absolutely no clue...) Must be some important Australian/British person. Someone with loads of facial hair.
Ah! The view from my grandfather's flat in Singapore. He lives on the 12th floor (pretty common, it now will soon, go up to 50! Imagine that, living on the 50th floor! The view would be magnificent, but looking down? *glup*) He lives in Marine Parade which is right by the coast. Then again, most places are by the coast, I mean, Singapore IS an island! An a tiny one at that!

Lastly?? What't this? Leave your guesses. I'll tell ya in the next post. It's actually quite simple. I just thought it made an interesting picture. Btw, those whom were there when this was taken, SHHHHHHH!!!

Don't spoil the fun! (",)

Tour De Australia

2006-09-12T21:14:00.000+09:30

Well, let's start with the pretty city of Melbourne. At night. Its fuzzy, but oh well, night pictures are hard. Can't remember the name of the river, but is's RIGHT in the city, near all the nightlife and people. Next to the BIG BIG casino... This thing above appears all over Australia. However, this red kangaroo is a South Australian one. Look at it, lying down in the grass and basking in the sun. Now that is the life. The only thing missing is an ice cold beer and a ciggie!

We end our tour in Sydney. Darlington Habour. Gaze upon the skyscrapers. Actual skyscapers not wheat mills/silos ^.^

The water looks so inviting. I wish I were there now. Sydney, the liviest place in Australia, more life than Adelaide anyway.

Well, pictures you want, pictures you get! Now, onto dinner!!

WIFIE!

THE LOVE OH MY LIFE!

WIFIE! WIFIE!!!

^.^

Wineyards and Satay!!!

2006-09-04T11:53:00.000+09:30

The wineyards at McLaren Vale are very pretty. The grapes were growing. This was taken in summer. Late last year. It was a very exciting drive for everyone else except me. Being the desinated driver, I was not allowed to try a lot of the wines/liqours. A sip at most. Wine tasting is very big.
The road up to the wineyard. It looks really nice here. Sorry Im not writing well now. It's still a big early in the morning for me.
The satay men! They come straight to your house with their charcoal fires and roast the satay right in front of you. I'm drooling already. The smell of the flames and roasting meat (either chicken or mutton) makes your mouth really water.

Wifie! What's for dinner??

I'm hungry already.

The Victim and The Villain

2006-09-01T18:30:00.000+09:30

I would like now, to present my case.

Gaze upon the cuteness of Piglet above you. Note his gentle curves, his pert nose, and oh so cute expression. He's about 8inches tall and is very much loved. He was physically perfect, despite being about 14 years old. Until... That fatal day... His wounds healed quickly, but the terror will always haunt his mind. To this day, sleep is hard to come by. He shivers at the mere thought of the animal whom attacked him... The Rabbit.

This is a potrait of a villain. Do not be fooled by how cute it may look. Piglet was peacefully lying on the sofa and minding his own business. Without warning, Rabbit pounced on him, and rendered several holes in Piglet.

I caught Rabbit before she did anymore damage. And then, a chase for the villain ensured. Round and round the living room thus I went. Rabbit ducked and sprinted away, hiding in nooks and corners that I didnt know even exsist in my house. Finally, after an hour, I was breathless whereas she was not. I finally drove her into a corner, and with the quick flick on a blanket, covered her and blocked her sight. Grabbing the crook, I procceded to return her to her jail cell. I mean, *cough* cage. Lovely pretty cage.

Safely away, I tended to poor Piglet's wounds. Rabbit attacked Piglet, ignoring the fact he could not defend himself, or even escape.

Thus, Your Honour, I recommand skinning and then stew. With a good dash of pepper, potatoes, carrots, onions and maybe, a turnip.

MMmmmmm... stew.

Sorry wifie, but you own an EVIL EVIL bunny.

But I adore YOU, and just you, anyway ^.^

"I believe in karma. That means I can do bad things to people all day and assume they deserve it." - Dogbert

An Ode (or haiku) to my wifie

2006-08-31T17:03:00.000+09:30

Oh wifie, so fine,

I am glad that you are mine,

But, Rabbit must die.

Hahahahahaha... Good huh?

I'm pretty proud of that effort.

Me love my wifie. And her mazipan. And her chocolate. And her boobs! ^.^

And this is a better photo of me. I may look like an alcoholic with those two drinks. But, I swear, I was holding one for a friend. Cranberry vodkas, mmmmm... *drool*

The BIG BIG plus on Australia is that alcohol is cheap. But no Choya. For those not in the know, its a sweet plum liquor from Japan. Nippon. JA-PAN!

So yummy. I want Choya. Now, I know what to get duty-free. Coach bag included.

Any sponsors??

Wifie??

Anyone?

>.<

Orange is my favorite colour

2006-08-30T23:07:00.000+09:30

For the moment, my favorite colour is orange. Purple, though, is not forgotten.

Why orange?

I realised I have the hots for men with orange hair.

Not like the grossly over bleached locks of the wannabe ah bengs, or the ah bengs themselves.

What I am talking about is, the HOT HOT HOT men of anime.

*drool*

I am currently watching Bleach and the main charater, Ichigo, is very fine.

He reminds me of another orange haired hottie, Kyo. The cat from Fruits Basket.

So yes, orange is a very *purrrrrr* good colour.

Orange IS my favorite colour of the moment.

Presenting... Adelaide!

2006-08-28T22:45:00.000+09:30

Some people fishing by the River Torrens. Honestly, all there is is carp. And smelly carp at that. It was a warm spring day. Which is nice for a change. And those pelicans?? Vicious. Evil vicious smelly birds that chase you down for a scrap of bread. The ducks are a more polite audience. But, please, don't get me started on the swans, or penguins... The penguin mafia is awatching you. All of us. So don't get too comfortable.
The view of Adelaide from Mount Lofty. The offical lookout/makeout point in Adelaide. Something bout Captain Matthew Flinders using this. This was all actually burnt in the Ash Wednesday Fire in 1983. How it has grown back. That was a BIG bushfire. Or was it started by some freak who should be castrated with a cheesegrater then stung up by the ankles with poison ivy??? I hate people whom think its funny to start bush fires. Especially in Australia where its DRY and WINDY. Stupid moronic deucebags.
Finally. At Central Market in the middle of Adelaide City. Fresh fruit, vegatables and meat greet you. Cheese and small goods are also avaliable. But, I can never seem to find fresh fish. They all look a bit too... dead if you know what I mean. Their eyes lack lustre, their bodies springy, and the smell?? Overwhelmingly fishy. I miss the fish in Singapore. Plus , in Adelaide, despite being a COASTAL city, fish is very pricy. So, I shall stick to fruit. And lamb!!! *drool* Lamb... Perfect grilled with a light rub of salt, rosemary and garlic. Eaten with a mint and japanese mayo sauce?

Heaven on earth.

So wifie, hurry up on dinner now!!!

No potatoes please ^.^

"I believe in karma. That means I can do bad things to people all day and assume they deserve it." - Dogbert

Photoshop???

2006-08-25T15:27:00.000+09:30

This picture isn't as clear as the one below. But I HATE HATE HATE the pot showing. Argh.
I need to learn photoshop. Plus, those flowers remind me of stars/flying daggers/arrowheads. All pretty pretty and the capacity to be violent.
I love the markings on this cat! Look at his leg! Plus he has the "Screw off" look. Atypical of most cats I think. Never had one so I wouldn't really know.

Anyway, more picture taking soonish. And Phil, that isn't my wifie. My wifie is a tall, blonde, Norwegian woman. Or at least, I think she's a woman ^.^

I think I'll go check. Bwah hahahahhahahahahhahahahhahaha.....

Missing you...

2006-08-25T15:21:00.000+09:30

I'm sad to announce that my darling Patches passed away yesterday, August 25th 2006. She has 15 years old. She was beautiful and shall remain in my heart til I die. I miss you already darling. Thank you for fifteen wonderful years filled with joy, laughter and some tears. I love you, honey. And I shall miss your helicopter tail.

Rest in peace, sweetie.

More pictures!

2006-08-23T21:08:00.000+09:30

Downtown Singapore, in the CBD. Busy, busy. busy, people running all round.

Somewhere along Boat Quay. Now, I think this is the Supreme Court. In the background, is the dome of the old Supreme Court.
Some flowers. Sorry, its not very clear. But I just thought they were pretty.
Ignore the pink cake-like house in the background. I gotta learn photoshop. I jus love that bit of yellow in all the white and green. It's as if it's trying so hard to get noticed.

Well, enjoy. Wanna go eat. Later! Wifie, make me my dinner! *arrrrrrr*

Some random pictures I took! Yes, me!!!

2006-08-23T20:55:00.000+09:30

Some one help me on this one, I think it's either the new Supreme Court of Singapore, or the Parliment House? Whichever, it still looks werid.

Guess who?? I wonder...

Some pretty flowers I saw. It's quite an okay picture if I do say so myself. :)

That's all. Thank you. I actually did take them myself. I swear. Upon my grave. Or crypt.

What I'm Obsessing About

2006-08-14T15:45:00.000+09:30

Which Gothic Lolita Fashion House Is For You?!

Innocent World:You might as well be a doll! You have perfected the wide-eyed innocence of youth that everyone can only wish for. Will you ever grow up?
Take this quiz!

Quizilla
Join

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Secrets

2006-07-04T14:33:00.000+09:30

She is still sitting. And watching. The lights outside flicker. Shadows are thrown against the cars and the trees. The shadows twist and curl to fit. They shift shapes occasionally, as if to hide a secret.

We all have secrets. Secrets we have to bear on our own. Secrets we have to keep within. Like Pandora's box, we hide it to save the world. Or we hide it to save ourselves, to preserve what we are. The lies, the deceptions, the truths so ingrained in lies, no one knows, or can detangle the two anymore.

She shakes her head. Wisps of hair fall naturally around her head. She tucks a runaway lock behind her ear. The contact the tip of her finger makes with her ear sends a jolt of awareness through her.

She is alive. She feels dead. In an unpredictable world, where luck seems to flutter and throw careless gifts at the feet of random people, she is alive. She feels her chest and is awed by the sound and feel of her beating heart. Thump, thump, it goes faster, like a secret desperately wanting to escape. She presses harder, as if she could draw more life out of herself that way.

Thump, thump, thump.

The rhythm eases her. Relaxes her. It should not. She opens her eyes, unaware of the fact that they were closed. Secrets want to come out. She places her other hand upon the other, it seems clasped in a secret prayer.

Help me be still. Help me be numb. Help me be silent. Help me, to not be me.

She is alive. She still feels dead. Secrets bursting to rip out from in her. Pandora opened what was not hers to share. Through deception and lies, did the box become Pandora’s. When her secrets are torn from her, so will she belong to someone else. The lights start to flicker once more and the shadows begin again, their secret dance, hiding their secret treasures from the world.

Cinderella

2006-06-27T01:24:00.000+09:30

The prince leans to the girl in scarlet heels,

Her green eyes slant,

hair flaring in a fan

Of silver as the rondo slows; now reels

Begin on tilted violins to span

The whole revolving tall glass palace hall

Where guests slide gliding into light like wine;

Rose candles flicker on the lilac wall

Reflecting in a million flagons' shine,

And glided couples all in whirling trance

Follow holiday revel begun long since,

Until near twelve the strange girl all at once

Guilt-stricken halts, pales, clings to the prince

As amid the hectic music and cocktail talk

She hears the caustic ticking of the clock.

By Sylvia Plath

Luck

2006-06-27T01:11:00.000+09:30

There is good luck. There is bad luck. And having no luck equals to bad luck and having loads of luck is good.

Too much of life is based on luck. Some work, yes, but mostly luck.

Or at least, thats how its feeling right now.

Me and a friend were having a conversation about men, life and sex. What every female talks about.

She couldnt understand why I was sorta seeing a guy when she , to put it nicely, had a veru negative opinion of him. Why was I seeing him? Whats the point of seeing anyone if he's not the best?

Best?

ME?

Who, in the elite crowd of the best, would want me?

I'm not very pretty, terribly inappropiate, and im not skinny. I admit, I'm fat.

THE BEST?

I think among humans, there is no best.

And if there is, I certainly don't deserve it.

It's hard hearing comments like that cos, for that moment, your mind highlights everything with you that isn't perfect.

Most of my friends would say Im pretty, smart and confident.

But I'm not the best or perfect.

And there is some niggling feeling deep inside me, that questions what is so wrong with me that none of the 'best' want me.

Yes, I am going through a very, I wouldnt say hard, but different difficult time.

My flaws constantly slap me in the face.

I cant help thinking bout that comment. Me waiting for the best?

I'm not the best, never will be, how can I ever expect it for me?

I'm realistic. Or a sucker for punishment.

What does all this have to do with luck?

Maybe, with a bit of luck, I would have gotten a gene that made my tummy flatter. With luck, Travis Fimmel would have fallen in love with me. With luck, I might be in Perth right now, with a shot at love. With luck, I would have been in Melbourne, with people whom don't think I'm terrible. With luck, I would never have met certain people.

Some people might equate this crap luck thing with fate.

Maybe so, maybe not.

All I know is, I don't have much of the good luck. Ha, not the best of luck.

I'm the best and never will be.

I'm so tempted to do a Sylvia Plath these days.

"I believe in karma. That means I can do bad things to people all day and assume they deserve it." - Dogbert

SUCKER

2006-06-16T15:24:00.000+09:30

I am a sucker of the purest form.

Yesterday, I went to Handoft in the Adelaide Hills with Milla. The land of fudge and of yummy sausages. Tis a German town after all.

Anyway, we were in a leather shop. You know how they sell those kangaroo scrotum pouches?

Well, I made a comment that I wanted to get one of those plus a vibrator for my girlfriends for Xmas.

The salesgirl laughed and told me while I was choosing them, to be sure of checking the size.

"???" said me.

"You see, it depends when they shoot the kangaroos. If its a warm day, the pouch is bigger. And on a cold day, you know how they shrink, yeah, its smaller."

Smiling, I began searching the pouches comparing sizes.

"REALLY? WOW!" I exclaimed.

When everyone in the shop started laughing.

It dawned on me.

SUCKER!

New Addition to the Family!

2006-06-13T18:25:00.000+09:30

People used to tell me that I had a zoo. Between Milla and me, we have a crazy rabbit that hates me, 2 mice (Pip and Pop), a rat called Steve the Queen and 2 fish called Nip and Tuck.

The latest addition to the family is a Guinea Pig. He's called Guinea The Pig. I know, I'm bursting with originality but the name suits him.

But sometimes, especially when all the animals are out, I have this feeling that we are not in a zoo but a kindergarten.

The guinea pig is the baby. He's very content to be bundled up and carried around as long as he has something to nibble on. The Rabbit ie Rabbit is the evil one year one. So curious and biting EVERYTHING in sight. This includes ME. Even when I am being nice and trying to give her food. The mice are constantly humping, yes the bisexual lesiban mice. They are obviously the teenagers. And Steve the Queen is the four year old. He seems to wonder WHY all the time.

So Im running a mini-childcare centre. Thank god, unlike actual children, they cant talk back and I can actually put them in a cage when they misbehave.

Sigh. The children need to be fed.

Reading: The House at Pooh Corner By A.A. Milne

2006-06-07T16:02:00.000+09:30

Let's Learn!

I have an exam next Tuesday and something I have to learn is actually the parts of the brain. And somehow, I found this. And suddenly, the brain is not only useful but amusing... I know I'm putting up a couple of posts on vidoes but I have been very busy with assignments and an exam. Yes, an exam. But many assignments.

So all together now!

BRAINSTEM! BRAINSTEM!

2006-06-05T23:31:00.000+09:30

Well...

Something completely gay (sorry for the use of that word) but very funny. Swans and fuzzy bras do not make peace... At least, I don't think.

A few thoughts...

2006-05-09T17:57:00.000+09:30

Yes, people do this to animals. This was taken ages ago at the Royal Adelaide show. But then again, ladies put nail polish on their fufus and carry them around in little LV doggie carrier bags.

But the thing I was thinking of is, that I moved out to this apartment to get peace and quiet.

I have lived here for almost 6 weeks, but wait, peace?

The guy downstairs has been renovating for the last 6 weeks. Not everyday, every other day if I am lucky. At least 5 and a half days a week. He starts at 7am and he ends bout midnight or later. I doubt that he sleeps.

Worse is his music.

I don't mind dance/trance music in a club, but I really don't like FEELING it when im home. His bass is terrible. For me. And I have spoken to him so many times, I feel like a mother.

I think hearing the old neighbour having loud German sex was better. At least it wasnt all day every day.

Anyway, I shalll not think too much about it.

My headache is getting worse. I shall have to tell him to turn it down.

Bloody neighbours, we do live in an apartment building. Consideration, people!!!

God, no!

2006-05-08T16:39:00.000+09:30

Some people... should NOT EVER dance in public.

You know what, I thought the religion would have been a turn off, the silent birthing thing and maybe, the height of that man. BUT, I presume Katie has never seen him dance.

I'm still shuddering.

Share the pain.

If you were born in the 70s, 80s ...

2006-04-25T19:26:00.000+09:30

I read this and agreed with all of the points below. Except I think this little stroll down memory lane will be limited to people who grew up in Singapore. Anyway, enjoy this. Enjoy the walk or if you understand nothing, hopefully this will give you some insight into the Singaporean mind.

1. You grew up watching He-man, MASK,Transformers, Silver Hawk and Mickey Mouse. Not to forget, Ninja turtles, My Little Pony and Smurfs too.

2. You grew up brushing your teeth with a mug in Primary school during recess time. You will squatby a drain with all your classmates beside you,and brush your teeth with a coloured mug. The teachers said you must brush each side 10 times too.

3. You know what SBC stands for.

4. You pay 40 cents for Chocolate or Strawberry MILK every week in class.

5. You watch a very popular Malay dubbed Japanese drama on RTM1 about schoolgirls who possess powerful skills in volleyball called Meoro Attack.

6. You find your friends with pagers and handphones cool in Secondary school.

7. SBS buses used to be non-air conditioned. The bus seats are made of wood and the cushion is red. The big red bell gives a loud BEEP! when pressed. There are colourful tickets for TIBS buses. The conductor will check for tickets by using a tool which punches a hole in the ticket.

8. Envelopes given to us to donate to SharityElephant every Children's Day.

9. You've probably read Young Generation magazine. You know who's Vinny the little vampire and Acaithe constable.

10. You were there when they first introduced MRT here. You went for the first ride with your parents and you would kneel on the seat to see the scenery.

11. Movie tickets used to cost only $3.50.

12. Gals are fascinated by Strawberry Short Cakeand Barbie Dolls.

13. Class monitors and prefects loved to say "Youtalk some more, I write your name ah!"

14. You longed to buy titbits called Kaka (20cents per pack), and Ding Dang (50 cents per box),that had a toy in it and it changes every week not forgetting the15 cents animal crackers and the ring pop, where the lollipop is the diamond on the ring.

15. You watched TV2 (also known as Channel 10)cartoons because Channel 5 never had enough cartoons for you.

16. Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, The Three Investigators, Famous Five and Secret Seven are probably the thickest story books you ever thought you have read. Even Sweet Valley High and Mallory Towers.

17. KFC used to be a high class restaurant that serve food in plates and let you use metal forks and knives.

18. The most vulgar thing you said was asshole andidiot and THE MOST EXTREME WAS 'super white'...youjust couldn't bring yourself to say the hokkien relative.

19. Catching was the IN thing and ‘twist’ as the magic word.

20. Your English workbooks was made of some damnpoor quality paper that was smooth and yellow.

21. CDIS were your best friend.

22. Your friends considered you lucky and rich if your parents gave you $3 or more for pocket money everyday.

23. Waterbottles were slinged around your neck and a must everywhere you go.

24. Boys loved to play soccer with small plasticballs in the basketball court.

25. Teng-teng, five stones, chapteh, hentam bola and zero point were all the rage with the girls and boys too...

26. Science was fun with the balsam and the angsana being the most important plants of our lives, guppies and swordtail being the most important fish.

27. Who can forget Ahmad, Bala, Sumei and John, eternalized in our minds from the textbooks. Even Mr Wollie & Mr. Yakki. What abt Miss Lala??? And Zaki and Tini in Malay Textbooks?

28. We carry out experiments of our own to getourself badges for being a Young Zoologist /Botanist / Astronomer… etc.

29. Every Children's day and National day you either get pins or pens with 'Happy Children's Day1987' or dumb files with 'Happy National Day 1988'.

30. In Primary six you had to play buddy for theyounger kids like big sister and brother.

31. We wear BM2000, BATA, or Pallas shoes.

32. Your form teacher taught you Maths, Science and English.

33. The worksheets were made of brown rough paperof poor quality.

34. You see Wee Kim Wee's face in the school hall.

35. Collecting and battling erasers was a pastime for boys.

Hope you enjoyed it as much as me!

Civilization comes to Adelaide

2006-04-24T22:57:00.000+09:30

It's been a bloody while.

Nothing is more fun than sitting in the cold university library attempting to do work.

The weather has been changing.

Warm, cold, warm, cold.

Anyway, I have been MIA cos I have moved.I have also changed my mobile and address. Address, duh. Email me if u want either or both.

Away from being woken up at 7am on a Sunday morning by spawn of neighbour whom dwells in the garage which suffers from lack of noise insulation.
Away from dumb landlord whom enters our house at 8am on a Saturday morning cos no one answered the door. Tenency law, anyone?
Away from smoke. I had a smoking party at the old place before we moved. Let's say, fog. Peoples' eyes were starting to sting.

Yes, but I was actually speaking about civilzation.

*drum roll*

Starbucks and Ikea has come to town.

Joy to Adelaide!

Civilzation has come.

Ikea, Sweden's possibly only useful export. Discounting Swedish Massages, Swedish women (All tall, blonde, blue eyed and boobs that resemble my pile of undone assignments, huge and overflowing.) Thank you Hollywood for making the stereotype possible. If you watch any american teen movie, the hot horny half naked exchange student, would probably be Swedish. Or Norwegien. Haha, one for you Milla. Anyway, Ikea has come, not the Swedish woman, or student or Norwegien one.

God bless the the key that Ikea provides. The axle key? Is that what it is called. I imagine Sweden as a place where the country could be taken apart by one. Instead of bombs, send in troops, arms full of axle keys. And then take the place apart. However, once the war is over, putting Sweden back together, there is no promise all the pieces would be included in the package. And if you send for the missing piece, it probably won't fit anyway.

But what would fit, would be a Starbucks. However, it is in Norlunga. I was told it was ghetto area. That was told to me by some South Australians, so it isn't a personal opinion. Norlunga seemed... warm to me when I was there.I however, have not taken the plunge or drive to Starbucks yet. And there is one opening in the city, so I'll wait for that. Then soon enough, Adelaide will be crawling with Starbucks, then I shall be happy. We all know how Starbucks is. Unless there's one every 200 yards to remind you that they still exist, they arn't happy.

I know its American commericalism. I know it's safe options. But sometimes, you just want something familiar. And, honestly, all the coffee in Adelaide tastes as if it was strained from the River Torrens. Umm, it sort of resembles the Singapore River from the 1970s-1980s. NOT pretty.

Yes yes. I have babbled. Now, onwards to useful stuff.

Maple Story. Yes, I have entered the craze.

Oh did I mention?

Join my new religion.

Meet the new Rat God.

I got a boy rat and 3 weeks later, by some miricle, he gave birth. To 11 kittens.

Trivia Fact: Baby rats are called kittens, females does and males bucks.

Immaculate conception. Miricle conception. Wondrous birth.

So, get down on your knees and beg for mercy.

A new power has arrived and is here to stay.

Praise be to Yuki. Whom is male yet carried many young who will carry on your fine name and rule the world with an iron fist.

Or paw.

Praise to Lord Yuki.

Convert now to the new rat religion.

Repent now SINNERS!

*muah hahahahhahaha*

PS: This is what happens when you do not look at the internet for 3 weeks, the mind turns soft ie c-r-a-z-y

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman's Scorn

2006-03-22T03:57:00.000+10:30

Watch out people.

I am at my edge now. School is shit, the living conditions are VERY SHIT.

Some one is gonna pay and you better pray its not you.

Be on tippy toes now.

Everyone.

I think the neighbour will probably get it, due to his behaviour.

We all judge based on past experiences.

I'm being judgmental, but there's no way I'm gonna be Little Miss Nice.

Fuck no...

So, as mentioned, I am offically pissed off.

You have been warned.

Poison People

2006-03-11T01:44:00.000+10:30

Bunnies.

I just watched this again and the damn tune is in my head.

I'm having a little rant here.

I HATE people whom try and bring me down.

Everyone has problems. No matter if they seem to or not. People handle problems differently. Like, for example, naggy parents. Some people can just grin and bare it. Yet some, react strongly, with perhaps anger. Others smile and hide the damage deep inside, letting it eat away, causing deep scars. Others, ignore them and move out.

One problem, four different solutions.

I do not lead the perfect life. No one really does. They may seem to but no one does.

Despite the smiles, I do have problems like everyone else.

I have issues with my body. I hate university and the course I am doing. I hate having almost no money. I had depending on my friends to eat (at the moment, MOTHER SEND MONEY (",) ) I had depending on people, full stop. I hate hating my friends.

Friends are people who should pick you up, support you and love you. Teasing from friends is great. I give and take. Listening to friends, actually listening, catching hints anout their lives, is what friends should be doing.

Friends should not bring you down. Friends do not insult you non-stop. Friends know your weak points and shouldn't constantly jab you there. And while doing that rub salt and pee in your wound. Friends respect friends and their opinions, no matter how much they disagree.

I know its a rant. I love my friends, but where does it get to the point where they hurt you so much that you have to cut them off?

I talk, I reason. If people don't want to listen, I cannot do anything. Except walk.

I am sick of feeling constantly hurt and stupid. I have a hard enough time with everything, I don't need anyone stepping on my head.

I am this close to walking.

So, if I do, don't say you were not warned. I have already spoken to people, but am ignored.

Walk, Fern, Walk.

I really don't need poison in my life.

Always look on the bright side of life...

2006-03-08T23:06:00.000+10:30

Life is starting to look up now!

Really looking up!

I'm actually doing a topic I love. I'm doing philosophy. The individual and society. It's so full of jargon that it boggles my mind. But, I love every minute of it.

Sadly, my favorite lecture today was kinda spolit.

Some asshole ran into my car... AGAIN.

I know, I know.

But I am now realising the fun of webcams.

I had the most awesome chat with Eddy. I swear we laughed for hours on end.

Mostly, conversation centred round my GREAT manhood.

I really have not much to say...

Sorry again for the halt in photos.

Jerms, Hongie, Yip, Erica, Su, Eddy, Robertson, and the rest of you bloody people who said you wanna come down here. Come for me!

I can't promise coffee, although I can promise cigs. I can drive and for you I'll even follow the traffic laws (jOKE!). I will feed you but not dress you. And if anyone asks real nice, I'll show my GREAT MANHOOOOOOOD.

Those coming from overseas can buy cigs for me, if they dont smoke of course. Then, its alcohol.

By the way, I think I owe Eddy money. But he owes me bubble tea.

But, *giggle* I think what he ummm flashed me that night was well worth more than any bubble tea.

Nice one Eddy :)

I like... *purrrrr*

So people, come come come!

I have a spare room. Only warning is that the walls are a bit thin. So if you do have sex, please remember the whole house can hear ya. But if you want sex with me, my room is nice and quiet.

Hahahahaha.

So Erica, how bout it? *wink*

Of men, frozen bananas and keys...

2006-03-05T13:19:00.000+10:30

I am currently bumming at home now. The term has started and I am glad it has.

Firstly, it means I am here and not there.

Secondly, I get my own car here.

And thirdly, NOBODY questions where I go or whom I was with.

WARNING:

DO NOT ASK FERN WHERE SHE HAS BEEN

I think Andrew learnt that the hard way.

I have been sick as well. God knows what I have.

I think Im annoyed by neighbours.

Neighbours who steal your backdoor key and then try to let yr friends into YOUR house.

Yes. The same neighbour I spoke about earlier. I think he lost his job or something cos he has been home for 3 weeks and his kids are over, like what it seems, all the bloody time. Well, he has finally pushed some butttons he shouldnt.

I have been nothing but nice, yet he now hides behind doors to avoid me. Well, he's been acting like a child. He uses the washing machine in the back of our house (as in Milla and me) but he has the back door key. But if we leave the key in the back, he cant get in. And even if he does, he never locks it again. So its not safe. I dont feel safe.

And when he knocked on the front door to ask me to take the key out, I was okay with it. I was sick but hey, I don't take my problems out on other people. Or I try not too.

And when he left, the back door was wide open and the key gone. Its attached to the door handle with string AND a rubber band. It ain't dropping off.

Im just pissed off.

But, what is pissing me off the most is that I realised I might be the idiot woman to give up everything for a man.

I shall not be that person!

Im off on a tangent but men have been pissing me off.

Especially bastards who like frozen bananas, garages and Tour De Europes'.

A Sonnet to Share

2006-02-23T03:24:00.000+10:30

The heart once broken is a heart no more,
And is absolved from all a heart must be;
All that it signed or chartered heretofore
Is cancelled now,
the bankrupt heart is free;
So much of duty as you may require
Of shards and dust,
this and no more of pain,
This and no more of hope, remorse, desire,
The heart once broken need support again.
How simple 'tis, and what a little sound
It makes in breaking, let the world attest:
It struggles, and it fails; the world goes round,
And the moon follows it.
Heart in my breast,'
Tis half a year now since you broke in two;
The world's forgotten well; if the world knew.

-Edna St Vincent Millay

I just thought this set the mood better. I have been dreaming a bit about the past. Despite the lack of sleep, I still can dream. And oh so vividly.

I'm scared to fall asleep right now. But I know I have to try.

Finally!

2006-02-20T04:08:00.000+10:30

I have finally gotten a new laptop. My old one, as mentioned or whined about earlier, was dying. Father and mother are taking over it. My heart is glad.

Yet, what I have now, a HP nx 6120, does not have the same feel as my own one.

Even as I use this one now, I miss my old white baby.

I do not like this one, it looks normal and somehow, hasn't managed to sqeeze its way into my heart.

I should not go on.

I am leaving for Adelaide on Friday.

What is it about not being sure where you want to be?

It's late. And my head hurts.

The winter olympics has been keeping me up with its strange unexplainable gay-like sports. The werid outfits and why must everything be skintight?

Also, as a side note, you know how all the participants are sponsered by Nike, Adidas and the such?

However, all of them, if they have eyewear, wear Oakleys.

All different shades, cuts and lenses, they are there.

A notable one is of the Dutch woman skater, who wears a striking yellow and blue pair.

Yes. I am tired.

Finally, sleep...

And She Was Gone...

2006-02-11T19:44:00.000+10:30

"And She Was Gone"By Ginger Foutley
She chose to walk alone
Though others wondered why
Refused to look before her,
Kept eyes cast upwards,
Towards the sky.
She didn't have companions
No need for earthly things.
Only wanted freedom,
From what she felt were
Puppet strings.
She longed to be a bird. That she might fly away.
She pitied every blade of grass
For planted they would stay.
She longed to be a flame,
That brightly danced alone.
Felt jealous of the steam
That made the air its only home.
Some say she wished too hard.
Some say she wished too long.
But we awoke one autumn day
To find that she was gone.
Some say she wished too hard.
Some say she wished too long.
But we awoke one autumn day
To find that she was gone.
The trees, they say stood witness.
The sky refused to tell.
But someone who had seen it said
The story played out well.
She spread her arms out wide.
Breathed in the break of dawn.
She just let go of all she held...

And then she was gone.

Happy Lunar New Year!

2006-02-01T07:19:00.000+10:30

Hey all! Been ages since I wrote stuff, cause it's CHINESE NEW YEAR! Or Lunar new year, so as not to sound too racist.

Gong xi, gong xi!

So what exactly is so great about it?

The bak kwa, pineapple tarts, Aunty Betty's chocolate cookies and the hong baos! The bad part is the relatives. I was forced to listen to a young cousin play the piano. *groan* And another one bitching bout failing his driving test. And a whole bunch nudging me and asking if I had a boyfriend. Even when I told the truth, NO, it was "it's ok, tell auntie the truth, I promise I won't tell your mother."

Eugene and me have been chilling out a lot recently, smoking shisha, coffeeing and such. I can't believe how much I actually missed him when I was in Adelaide and he was here. In singapore. Yes, Eug, I am talking bout you.

Don't ask me about my obsession with flowers, by the way Phil, any photos you like, just use it on your website. I don't mind. :)

And, just showing off...

I had DURIANS! Loads and loads of them! *breathes hard*

If I still have your attention, please please please do me a favor. Send me a nice fat hong bao. I need it more than you will ever know. The old laptop is dying, aptly named Old Poo. Cos it's white (use your imagination) and now the name is even more accurate cos it's old and on the edge of death. The internal bits are rotting.

I need a new laptop, suggestions? Anyone? On what to get?

Lastly, Happy New Year!

PS Eugene, ibook, I know... My father ah, he no like.

Flowers!

2006-01-21T20:24:00.000+10:30

Decided to go back to my roots, pun intended, today. Being named after a plant, it's amazing the comments people can come up with.

I was walking in the Krangi War Memorial today with my best friend, Hongie. We were taking pictures and having a great time.

I was remembering how after school, I used to cut across here to get home.

Stories for another day.

Hope you enjoy the flowers. It is actually my own work. Apparently, I take better pictures of inanimate objects.

A Small Rant

2006-01-19T05:19:00.000+10:30

Its been raining, a lot. It's times like this I wonder why people in certain western countries complain about the rain. I know, it must be bad, but wait til you experience a hard ass south east asian monson storm. It's like God and his minions throwing BUCKETS and BUCKETS of water straight onto you.

It's terrible to drive in.

Trust me on that. But I decided to share the picture I took outside my bro's school, just before it rained.

And it's 3 more days til I see my Mamajaja.

And I finally had my first shouting match with my mother since I came back.

Joy.

I was thinking a lot today. Why do I smoke?
When i was younger, I hated smoke. In a way, I still do. I hate the smell that lingers on your clothes, hands and breath.
It's rancid and puke-worthy. But, what is it about the nicotine that makes me happy?

It's calming. I get angry and with one magical drag... *poof* I'm easier to deal with. That's what kept me from physically hurting my ex-housemate all year long.

But, there is something sensual about the cigerette as well.

The swirls of smoke, the tendrils that curl in the air before disappearing, it is, for lack of a better word, pretty.

Annabelle Chong couldn't have said it better.

Not an exact quote but she went along the lines of good christain girls don't smoke, don't drink and don't have sex.

*shrugs*

Ummm... It's kinda hard to live up to. It's hard to live up to a religion that wants you to abstain from almost everything fun. Don't get me wrong, I love God, in my own way. But, the human element, gets me down.

And how can I obey a pope that looks like the devil himself?

Wait, I take that back. The devil must be prettier. He has to entice and tempt. Hell, no one gonna be enticed by someone looking like that. Fuck, no.

Well, off to Malaysia tomorrow. Will take more pictures then. Su! Milla! I need shopping buddies! *sobs* Why you two are so far away?

"I believe in karma. That means I can do bad things to people all day and assume they deserve it." - Dogbert

Photos for Phil!

2006-01-18T16:27:00.000+10:30

To Phil,

the guy on the other side of the world who cheers me up with his awesome photos of people and places around France,

I have some photos of places in Singapore and Adelaide for you here. The Adelaide photos of are not my work. I cannot take photographs. I am, I assure you, one of the world's worst photographers. But I try! I know I have posted some up before, but, I like them. SO THERE!

Well, enjoy!

The River Torrens

More food, crispy chicken...

And the everbeloved MRT!!!

My Grandmama, the feisty 91 (92?) year old still can cook. She makes the BEST Nasi Ulam... And sambal belchan!

Well, I guess that's all for the moment. I didn't do too badly I think. Cheers to Milla for Adelaide photographs. I think you don't appreiate what you have til you don't. Like my Grandma, she cries everytime she sees me now, and I remember her running after me with a cane to whack me for playing with her makeup. I used it for 'masak masak'.

This a basically pretend cooking. You have tiny saucepans and pots and you cook for the faries and brownies that live at the bottom of the garden. Too much Enid Blyton as a child. Her perfume became soup, the lipstick was fish(which is ironic cos lipsticks actually do contain fish) and her eyeshadow was seasonings. I remember using the blue one for pepper. How times change and people grow.

Well, to Phil and my Grandma, may you both have many years of health and happiness to come!

PS Milla and Su, my beloved wives, I miss you both very very very very very much... I cry and weep with sorrow at our cruel parting...

This is how I feel...

2006-01-17T14:49:00.000+10:30

Since coming back... All I felt is...

Empty.

Home Vs Home

2006-01-16T14:42:00.000+10:30

Where exactly is home?

People have been refering to Adelaide as well as Singapore as home. The most interesting person to do so was my mother. Although she still habours a hope that I will see the light and turn into a good Catholic and come back to our flourishing island nation. The MRT (mass rapid transport or train) that runs near my place provides an interesting view of the Krangi Turf Club.

I don't know bout the last bit, but oh well.

I mean I come back to Singapore to ridiculus smoking laws, and I thought old SA was bad! Im suprised I didnt get fined.

Anyway, new laws are abound. How can you not like this country? Where they try and control your every move?

I like the new STAND BEHIND THE YELLOW LINE UNLESS THERE IS A TRAIN THAT YOU WISH TO BROAD.

I giggled much when I saw this.

But I'm mostly sick of everyone going on about my weight/'fat'/size/shape. I don't care.

I am happy with my body!

Can people not get that? I want no diets or shit. I also know I'm not perfect but would people stop rubbing it in my face?

I stole some pictures from the wife. Even she can make Adelaide look good.

Isn't it pretty?

Maybe someday, I shall know where home is. Til then, I shall take advice from Tyson the 'Cat'. He believes he's a dog. Seriously.

Sleep well, eat well, occasionally let people near you so that they value your touch and company more. Also, if you don't have to move, don't.

Also destroy whatever new furniture you can, after all, you are king.

Or Queen in my case. Wait!

Princess! Princesses are so much younger than Queens.

A Guide to Wives

2006-01-13T02:57:00.000+10:30

From one wife, I jump to another.

Oh Su! I miss you terribly already. Tis sad we are, yet again, seperated by many continents. Only comfort this time is that Asia is not one of them.

I also miss beloved wife of Norway. I can't seem to upload pictures of her!

I lied! She is too pretty. Look at her smile.

The trick to keeping 2 wives happy is to make them believe they are the only ones in your life. One need never know about the other.

Except my pair.

The sister-wives plot against me as I speak. So, to keep them happy, I pour as much alcohol as possible into one, and the other?

As much food-sex as possible. You should hear the moans and groans and quivers that follow the words, "Nasi Ulam".

But, I often get the question, is it difficult having two women?

And the answer is,

YES

It is. Very hard. But I have enough love for them both. And if all else fails, I still have my pets.

Opps! Wrong one.

Umm... Pets... Pets...

So, it's Cookie (my brown doggie) and Lynn the Mouse for me. At least they will always love me. And my great manhood. Which I keep in my PAAAAANTS!!!

Miss you two so much. One on each side of the world.

It's a lonely life for the wandering man.

PS Never NEVER NEVER ever let them find out about your multiple concubines. Death may result.

2006-01-09T02:13:00.000+10:30

Just a few thoughts have occured to me today.

Why is it that you are treated better as a tourist of a city? I got such great table service and free gelati cos the waiter presumed I was a tourist.
Why is it that being Catholic, automatically means that I must hate Muslims? I have many Muslim friends and I do not like/dislike people on the basis of their choice of religion. Unless you try and ram it down my throat.
How is that that if I have nice underwear, my mother assumes I am having sex?
And how can you like someone, care for someone and yet not want to see them?
Lastly, I promise, I seem to get myself into hot water.

What now? Well, my ex's friend has been travelling the world. And he stayed with me in Singapore when my ex visited. 2 men in my bed and I wasn't in it. Shame.

Well, ex's friend (here now refered to as EF) is having a stopover again. My parent's actually prefer EF to ex cos they liked the fact that he had more brains.

And I think my father is the only man in Singapore to rejoice if I ever choose to marry a Jewish man. That was a side thought cos EF is Jewish.

Well, how am I to face him? I said yes too quickly. And now, I regret it.

The ex and me had a messy breakup. Over shisha. I also did it on his 2nd day in Singapore and that was cos I cheated on him.

*slap on wrist*

I know. I'm a bad person. But, is letting or even seeing EF such a bad thing?

I had a small thing (fine, crush) on EF. I won't do anything, heaven forbid. But, I wouldn't know what to say.

I dig my own grave and therefore I must die in it.

PS BAck to Singapore in 2 days. My mother makes me pee in my pants.

2006-01-06T15:26:00.000+10:30

Just a quick one before I head off to the beach in my new bikini.

I got one reply or request. He's 42.

And not the best looking.

Oh well, its the internet and I think I shall stop my little experiment.

I think life or males are complicated enough without me trying.

By the way, the bikini is green and white. Shall take a picture. I have a nice tanned back.

P.S. Shall assult my bouncer later tonight. Isn't it bad if you go somewhere often enough that the bouncer knows more about the men you are kissing than you even do? My mother would die if she knew the things he knew!!!

Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît pas

2006-01-06T03:17:00.000+10:30

French, again!!!

This time, from the French philosopher Blaise Pascal, which when translated means, that the heart has its reasons that the mind does not know.

However, he also did Maths, therefore his mind may have been a bit confused.

Someone recently described me as "funny and nice but *prolonged pause* a bit werid."

A very funny yet apt description in my humble opinion.

I think my mind wanders from topic to topic.

But on to what I wanted to talk about.

People suprise me sometimes.

I can get told to "go back to where you belong" by some people and yet some can be so nice.

I got a new bra today. *giggle*

It's catus green according to the tag. But Milla was missing when I tried it on so I peeked out to search for her.

Instead, I was met by two mothers. So, who better to ask an opinion than a mother?

So, my bra fitted well (1) and the colour looked great on me(2), and my tan was very nice (3). It seems to be however, that the nicer people meet tend to be female.

Why is it so?

Adelaide is crawling with male scum. And a few nice females. I may be making a bit of a sweeping statement, but are there any nice males out there? Every racist slur I get, is from a man.

I'm back in Singapore in a few days. I can wait. I miss my dogs and friends. However, my mother will drive me slowly insane so if my entries get bad, tell me. The heart has its reasons that the mind does not know.

P.S. Did you know French Guy's name was Pascal? *swoon* I want French Guy back! Now it's more the loins has it's reasons that the mind does not know...

New Year...

2006-01-05T00:33:00.000+10:30

Well its a huge whole new year. It's 2006. But let's, before we move on, look back on 2005, and muse on my biggest mistakes. My top 22 mistakes of 2005.

Moving in with a fundementalist Christain. As Robin Williams said, "God just went *click*."
Leaving a pot of porriage out in the backyard for two months. It was black, green and red by the end of it. What sort of mould is red?
Trusting my department. Enuff said.
Believing that Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachley were really in love and truely meant to be. Yes, my friend, I do owe you money.
Also believing that some people come back to you. Fuck the whole "love is like a bird, hold it too tight and it will die, hold it too loose and it will fly away". Fuck it. No matter what your grip, it's gone.
Falling asleep on the beach with my book on my face. Let's just say it looks like my tan has gone really really wrong.
Watching Land of the Dead. There is a ZOMBIE CLOWN in it. It is too scary for words. I almost pissed in my pants. Seriously.
Getting involved with an older man. I'm not gonna go into details, let's just say, we're both pigs.
Letting my mom get to me. All the time.
Buying that pair of shoes. Oh they are pretty but they hurt but I look good. It was a waste of money but my feet look pretty.
Using a nice guy as a subsitiute for the person I can never have. I have wanted to say I'm sorry and tell you, but the words never came out.
Not bothering too much with assignments and handing them all up a day late. I really shouldn't develop that habit.
Not have broken that cup. Ummm It's another shame I bear. MSN me.
Maybe I should not have taken that shopping basket. It was red and new and I wanted something to just take. :( I am a bad bad person.
Another thing was bitching about a certain male in earlier entries. Not really a mistake. He took it very hard, assuming I was writing about him. Snap judgements can be so unfair.
Watching all 4 seasons of Scrubs in a row. My butt may never recover.
Distributed porn to friends. Cos some people *cough* have no internet access at home therefore I was DOWNLOADER GIRL. Saviour of poor souls with tired arms. I don't really like porn in a way. And I really didnt wanna support the industry. What's done is done.
Ate nothing but Mamee, rice and natto for week. Dogs all over came rushing to lick me for their daily salt intake.
Got depressed when I realised Travis Fimmel may not even be human. Nor John Zimmerman IV. All good looking men are aliens.
Got even more depressed when I realised that most of the men I go for are animated. Or are dumb. Key example: Ed. From the tvshow, Ed.
Watching "House", the first season, in almost one sitting. I sense a pattern with me. But is it just me, or is Hugh just simply screwable?
Not realising my blog was a public thing and people could just read it. Hell, anyone can just read it.

So yes, that's the happy list. It's the gist of the year. I have done things I am proud of, things that are good. But hey, misery loves company and I'm providing comfort to all the miserable people out there.

I think there may be more unhappy people than happy.

Smile! It's a brand new sparkling year!

Just more time to fuck it up :)

Listening to: "It's the end of the world as we know it" by R.E.M. (Watched Chicken Little in 3D! Go see!)

Experiment!

2005-12-30T00:26:00.000+10:30

I am still gagging myself with laughter.

Someone sent me an invite for LoveHappens. Some werid match making website. I thought, "Why not?"

And joined up.

Before anyone disses me, let me say one thing.

I was bored and very suntanned.

I say the sun got to my pretty little head.

I am gonna experiment here, see if normal people, like moi, actually roam the digital internet highway. I'll be the innocent hitch-hiker and let's see if anyone can pick me up (haha geddit? Pick me up? Never mind...) and not turn me into a bloated corpse with her eyes plucked up and with various kitchen appliances shoved into and up various umm outlets on my body.

So yes, other than discussing my impending murder, I decided to try it.

Heck, some person or another I should know must have found someone nice. Remember, 6 degrees of seperation.

I'll keep all updated and perhaps we can share a good laugh.

Christmas was an interesting time. I got presents from Milla's family and none from mine. Hmm...

Anyway, I went for Christmas Mass at the catheral here in Adelaide. I recieved communion from the Archbishop. His Grace... blah blah...

But I was a bit nervous. Cos the last time I saw the Archbishop, he wasn't in his fancy robes or waving that staff around, he was in his underwear.

BOXER SHORTS!

I know they are just people too, but there's something very wrong and unnatural seeing a holy man half naked. But why did I see His Grace as such?

My ex was working as a chef at the Archbishop's house. I went to pick him up from work one day. Seeing the state of the expresso machine, the inner barista in me emerged, and I had to clean it. Looking out of the window, I saw a man. In the garden, walking up and down. In his underwear. Calling for my ex, I expressed an interest in the strange man.

"Come meet Phillip."

Okies, I replied. Going out, we exchanged greetings and my ex then kindly told me he was the Archbishop. Imagine my shock at calling an Archbishop by his first name and seeing him in boxers.

So, recieving communion from him, I almost laughed and spit out the wine.

It all seems a bit wrong but, my God, it was funny.

I have to create my own entertainments in life.

LoveHappens is one of them. As mentioned, will keep people updated. Let's feel pity for the poor sods whom might find me attractive!

Smithers, Christmas is upon us!

2005-12-22T12:02:00.000+10:30

Almost anyway...

BUT!

Before we proceed, I would like to announce, although my legs are bruised, I was not indulging in any forms of beastility to cause the bruises. Not even, to quote the ass at Mackers on Hindley, "Got fucked by a shark?"

His language not mine. I would never consort to that sort of language. I was in Hindley in a bikini COVERED up in a towel. Milla and I went midnight swimming and wanted a hot fudge sundae. We were tempted to go to the pool hall. Geddit? Pool hall? In bikinis? *nudge nudge*

NEVER MIND! I know I lack intelligence in the humor department.

Anyway, I miss my most favored concubine at the moment.

OH OH OH

THE PAIN!!! *groan*

I miss her too much. We have to go a-smoking again soonish. Just looking at the picture and seeing how beautiful she is, brings tears to my eyes. I shall compose a sonnet about her perfectly cut toenails. Such is the depth of my love.

Anyway, back to the topic. Xmas is upon us and tis the season to be merry and happy and drunk and grumpy.

It always brings out a whole mixed cauldron of emotions.

It's the first time Im having Xmas away from my family. I'm not sad about that and I think it's kinda sad the only thing I know I will really miss is the food and my dogs.

Erica (hellos mamajaja) is gonna be in Hokkaido. I think I spelt that wrong. Anyway, freaking cold place in Japan. And she is coming home for Chinese New Year!

Erica and me have a strange bond. We almost NEVER get sick of each others' company. Cos we know when to shut up, have a coffee and smoke. It is hard to talk with coffee and nicotine in your mouth.

I miss her and my second wife too.

Christmas is a time to think and love even more, those that we cherish and adore. I sound a bit wussy but I love my friends a lot.

Can't wait to see all those I haven't seen for ages.

I'm back in Singapore 10th Jan. Not for the reasons I wanted to. I was pissed off at first, but now, I'm trying to look on the bright side.

Hate being sick!

2005-12-21T11:14:00.000+10:30

"I believe in karma. That means I can do bad things to people all day and assume they deserve it." - Dogbert

Well, I have been too sick the last few days. I am out for the 'oh fernie' and sympathy thing here.

So what can I do?

I put out the oh-so-irresistably-cute picture of me sleeping with Piglet. In my Spongebob Squarepants pjs which, incidentally, are put on backwards. The pink bows are suppose to be on the front, dammnit!

We shall also ignore the fact that I am so clogged up (or was) that I woke myself up with my own snorting. Snoring for the common folk but snorting was the most accurate term I could use here. Some people have complained that I snore loudly. I will not name names.

Luck!

2005-12-16T00:00:00.000+10:30

Ok, so I decided to stay in the good old land of Oz, the great Down Under, for summer.

What do I get?

RAIN! In summer, I have to wear a wool coat at night to edge out for a smoke.

Today has been a werid day. Let's play 'good luck, bad luck'.

GOOD LUCK:

I got a free mouse. I cannot resist abandoned animals.

BAD LUCK:

Where do I put it and how do I not kill it?

GOOD LUCK:

Nice movie in with loads of candles

BAD LUCK:

Managed to catch some of my hair on fire. Seriously.

GOOD LUCK:

Got a brand new hairbrush, the ones where u can roll your hair.

BAD LUCK:

Brush got into hair, cannot come out. Had to have Milla help detangle it from my head.

GOOD LUCK:

Inherited loads of cool stuff from Thompson.

BAD LUCK:

Transfer of ownership of 'rubbish' from him to me. Where do I put all this stuff and do I really really need a tiny battery operated cream whipper???

So today, I have a new 'child', shorter hair on one side of my hair, the other side with more hair than nessesary pulled out and a living room full of stuff. Oh did I mention the fish?

Or 'That Fish' as it is called.

The first fish was Vish the Fish. He had some emotional problems and successfully killed himself.

The second one was Other Fish. He had an aquired brain injury. Due to too much alcohol (red wine mostly) and probably the weed as well. He lived long but was a wee bit troubled towards the end.

The new fish is That Fish. He has ADHD. And anger management issues. He's been banging himself against the bowl for hours. Not to mention he struggled in the plastic bag. And was a bitch to catch in the shop.

We wanted the most stupid looking fish and he turned out reasonably intelligent.

Snap judgements can be so unfair.

New People

2005-12-13T00:41:00.000+10:30

Been meeting a whole bunch of werid new people and a couple of old ones...

Here's a simple list

3 people whom work for BHP at the corner of Rundle Street and Frome St. They were actually nice and the 2 guys were not after sex. For once.
A guy from Laos (whom I asked how were the beaches in Laos and then suddenly remembered the country is next to Cambodia and IN THE MIDDLE of a bunch of countries i.e. no coast) in which I met at a garage sale I was helping out at for a friend
4 cool people from Darwin at the Seacliff beach. Did I mention the guy from Laos was there as well? Free beer, sun, sand and sea. Who could ask for more?
Poopise and Wallo, old friends from last year. We used to chill all the time and then they kinda disappeared for a while. Well... they're back! I missed you guys! :)

And believe it, all in about 24 hours.

Isn't it amazing when you just about give up on the human race, then something happens to make you feel wow all over again?

Hopefully, the lucky streak lasts.

And I still want the courage to tell someone that I hang out with him, as a subsitute for someone else. Someone I can't have.

But, enough of my whinging. It's all good at the moment.

Although I'm so dark, people think I'm Cambodian. Not that that is a bad thing.

I like being tanned.

2005-12-09T14:21:00.000+10:30

Bad news galore.

I don't even know why I am here anymore.

But, I am.

And all this news, it actually cracks my heart a little bit.

Oh well.

I'm grumpy and feeling a tad bit lost.

*sigh*

It was only a kiss...

2005-12-05T17:13:00.000+10:30

Inspiration from the Killers.

If only more men wore eyeliner. It does make them look VERY good. *purr*

Holidays and now, I offically have nothing to do.

But, my social life if anything is a bit crazy.

I was in the backyard today, sunbathing. I have trucker's tan so I'm very attractive at the moment.

Anyway, I was reading an Anne Rice novel. And it was Lestat's take on things. And suddenly, it hit me.

I know it sounds silly, but mortal or not, we all suck majorly at mantaining MOST relationships.

Once the word 'love' or kissing happens, stuff becomes WAY too complicated. No wonder most vampires are gay, the women are too too fucked up. Look at Claudia. *shudder*

By the way, is it just me, or do sexy smothering hot male bisexual vampires just make your lower regions quiver?

I thank God the most important thing in my life right now, besides food and shoes and reading and other girly stuff, is to even out my tan.

I sound shallow, probably am right now, I have nothing else to worry about, til next March.

Oh boy.

2005-12-02T14:46:00.000+10:30

Can't believe I live in this country.

Some people are married to their jobs.

It's a bit 'eeeeeeeeeee' but I respect that people can do what they want.

Hey it's legal.

Read bout it all here.

Anger, fear and words

2005-12-02T00:07:00.000+10:30

Words said in anger, some people say is not true.

I beg to differ.

Words said in anger is the truth at that point of time.

And I do not care anymore.

Threats, shouting, fights, hitting. I have had enough.

I do feel, but I choose to not take any of those feelings seriously.

It's no point.

I have been accused of things, happenings.

I have to report my movements, it seems.

I cannot have a smoke, tea and a chat with a friend. Even though the friend is an ex-lover.

I normally like keeping my friends.

According to the 'fighter', I do not want the friendship. Now for now, yes, these may be words said in anger, I don't.

I do not like being pushed. I spend time with her and do almost everything with her as well.

But, when I head over, to the neighbour's for a smoke, I am 'sneaking'.

She had to sleep cos of her morning duty.

If we were noisy, I am sorry.

If you feel excluded, well, you hate him, or dislike him strongly, why torment yourself with his presense?

All this, I have said to you.

I am not blameless, I am sure.

I do not want to isolate myself because of you.

And, last night, the comment about him being home. Gee, innocent.

I fear you.

I'm actually afraid you will hit me again.

Example SMS:

"U just have to do the opposite of what ppl ask u to do an must prove a point all the fucking time. U do not need my permission and u do not need to tell me anything.But when it is excluding flatmates like that on what i feel is purpose just so u can prove ur point and "look at me i can do something u cant" behaviour then i react. As I said,do what u want.U care about men more than friends coz they give you attention and sex friends dont.Harsh but one day when u are interested in listening to my point of view u might see it. And if you feel gulity about yday u obviously did something coz i did not say anything.Just thinking it."

Ok. Yesterday? Well, Eugene spoke to me.

I know I am airing dirty landry. So?

I do not like the way you judge my friends. I can't help being friendier than you.

I tried. And I already said, honestly, I cannot understand it. I tried. But I can't.

And if last night has to come up again. I feel gulity cos I commented he was at home? I felt bad that you took it so hard.

You ran off without a word bout what was wrong. Just thinking it? Body language, darling.

And if you do feel I am such a horrid person, please, don't speak to me.

And the other flatmates, well, I seem how they CAN lead seperate lives.

Why haven't I invited Andrew back?

You hate him. Sadly, neighbour lives here.

And I like chilling with him.

Eugene told me to avoid him to keep you happy. If you take all my actions so personally, please.

It's your choice.

I like having other friends, as you do.

I know we both have invested a lot of time and effect into this relationship.

I am not leaving you, I just need some other people.

A lot of my friends have always been male.

And I enjoy male company, their views are different and it's fun.

I can't change your mind, I don't want to.

Just see that stuff I do, is not a personal attack.

As I said, I can't stop your feelings, how you choose to do with it.

I know I am going down to your level, bitching bout me on your blog. Pointing the finger and veiled references to me.

I do everything wrong to ya.

And it's just too bad.

I enjoy a cone occasionally, and you have always known that.

So yes, it's nothing new.

I might regret saying this, cos when we talk, we both don't listen.

We both want to be right and we are both stubborn.

You say I push you, the same can be said on my side.

You are my friend and we are going through a bad patch.

I'm on holidays, you need to sleep, I chill out with another friend.

You fear I will be like your other housemates.

I'm sorry that you don't know me better.

Fear causes irrational feelings.

That's fear.

It chills the mind and I know you been burnt before.

I'm not them.

And if the conversation stops when you come, maybe it's cos you come screaming at me and telling me to come back in 5minutes for a talk. And then its followed by glass breaking and the throwing of my poor belchan.

As I said, the clothes are being aired.

I'm tired. I don't need this anymore.

I offered not to move in.

But it wouldnt have made a difference.

Cos if I came to see ya, or him, I would still piss you off.

My thoughts are random cos I am angry.

So yes, if everything can be good, then bad. What changed?

And Eugene saving my ass?

I have done nothing wrong.

And gulit, well, you place it on me all the time now.

If Eugene saves me from being hit, I am happy.

Another cultural difference maybe, friends don't hit friends. Or at least not among my friends.

2005-11-25T12:45:00.000+10:30

The wonders of Lego!

It is a registered trademark.

What can you do with it besides build mindless Harry Potter castles and reconstrut a pixelated version of the Taj Mahal?

Porn.

Lego porn. Or block structure porn.

For the more religious types, the Bible retold with the magic of six pointed blocks.

There still quite a bit of porn, umm sex, and violence in it.

Such is the magic of the old testament.

I am always slightly horrified by how gruesome the bible is.

Incest, wars, beheadings, hookers, death by many imaginative ways, strip shows, umm man-love...

What else can one do with Lego?

Stick it up your...

nose.

Ah yes, the bible, a guide to muff diving.

Remember, the husband must give to his wife what she has a right to expect.

I shall replace 'husband' with 'man'. And woman with 'ME'.

What do I say?

2005-11-24T03:33:00.000+10:30

I wish I could have let you go before we all got hurt.

I wish I didn't still love you.

I wish I was not the person I turned out to be.

I wish I did Drama instead of Disability Studies.

I wish I liked Disability Studies.

I wish I could cry and mourn.

I wish I didn't depend on other people so much.

I wish I had more money today.

I wish I had a magic wand.

I wish I could make all the scars go away.

I wish I knew that one must never fall asleep on a hot water bottle.

I wish I understood the meaning of life.

I wish I never met you.

I wish I met you later.

I wish I spoke another language.

I wish I knew how to budget.

I wish I were skinner.

I wish I were happier.

I wish I was back in Singapore.

I wish I never had to go back.

I wish the thought of my dogs didn't make me cry.

I wish my Hongie were nearer.

I wish Su and Erica were nearer as well.

I wish I had the money to go to Japan to see Erica.

I wish I could make all this go away.

I wish I didn't care.

I wish I wasn't here.

I wish too much.

But, mostly, I wish everyone the best in life.

No matter how much an individual has hurt me or made me laugh, I wish you the best in life.

You think what?!?

2005-11-22T22:55:00.000+10:30

The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

It's not just the missing, its the wanting.

"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't
mean they don't love you with all they have."
I don't know who said that, but it's not true.
The worst thing anyone has ever said to me was," I can never love you the way you love me."
And my heart was broken.
It's repaired, somewhat.
Life makes you think.
Recently, a friend of mine, an old friend decided he was not going to be of this earth anymore.
I was so angry.
How dare he, how dare he leave me here alone?
How dare he leave me to face the world alone?
I still haven't cried.
Someone said he was selfish.
I'm angry at him, I am.
But more than that, I'm envious.
Life here in Adelaide has been too fucking difficult lately.
Too many fights, too many snide remarks online, too much missing and wanting.
As I mentioned in an earlier entry, I was smitten.
In a way, I still am.
But being smitten and doing something about it, perhaps, was the most silly thing I have done.
But in some strange way, I don't regret it.
I already miss him.
I think I overstepped a boundry.
I miss my friend who is no longer here, and I miss the smitteee as well.
What was the first line again?
Ahhh... Yes...
The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
We would never work out.
I spent the night with him last night.
I heard the bad news and ran to smitteee. He is a friend as well after all.
I yelled, and smoked and yelled a bit more.
Getting the anger out.
I smoked a bit more, and I asked if I could stay.
I hate being alone sometimes.
Like now.
Alone cos I don't want to call. People have lives. I wish this blog was a bit more secret.
But, I digress.
So I stayed. We cuddled, we kissed. I snored. Or so I was told.
I slept, comforted by his touch.
And tonight, I feel so cold.
I feel like I have not lost just one, but two people.
But, oh smitteee, I think I never had thee.
I think I never will.
The differences are too great.
I wish people wouldnt give me a hard time over smitteee.
I tend to think with my heart more than my head.
A person once told me, I cared too much and was not made for this world.
And thus, maybe, I should be unmade.

Antoine speaks the truth! Or I like to think so

2005-11-17T00:08:00.000+10:30

My my my, how life is as such.

"Let me tell you a secret. It is simple. One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential
is invisible to the eyes."
Or in french,
"Voici mon secret. Il est très simple : on ne voit bien qu'avec
le coeur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux."
I quote from one of my favorite books, The Little Prince, by Antoine-Marie-Roger de Saint-Exupery.
Another quote,
"On ne voit bien qu'avec le coeur. L'essential est invisible pour les
yeux."
Shall I translate?
"One does not see well except with the heart. The things that are essential
are unseen by the eyes"
What do you think?
It sounds similar, I know it does.
Maybe I am getting to something.
I'm glad I have a small tiny unimportant blog that no one reads.
It actually gladdens my heart.
Myst has been complaining or commenting more like, about readers
whom bitch and complain.
I don't have that problem.
So I can tell all that I want here.
Or most of it.
I'm glad for my friends. No matter how I act sometimes.
I sometimes break down and hid. Cos i need to. It's not cos I
really want to.
The world scares me.
I lost so much and so many people.
But, I love taking chances.
I love the world sometimes.
I'm lost between two people right now.
I'm smitten.
I admit it.
I won't say I'm in love, but I am smitten.
He's cute.
And smart.
Sometimes smart anyway.
And everytime I see him, I just want to kiss him.
He's just so cute.
Here's the problem.
He's him.
That's the problem.
I can't say much more.
I don't know what to say.
I'm smitten.
I'm seeing too much with my heart I think.
And not enough with my head.
But for now, the heart wins.
I wonder when I can next see him and kiss him.
As I said, I'm smitten.
Not in love as I was.
But similar.
I'm too dysfuntional to have a 'love' relationship right now.
Smitten is safer.
And that's where I'm staying.

Of Mice and Rain

2005-11-14T14:33:00.000+10:30

Damn blogspot and its inability to accept japanese charaters.

How do they do it at the J-list blog?

My friend, Mamajaja, wrote the most beautiful haiku. Haikus, if you may not know, is a form of Japanese poetry. Haiku is one of the most important form of traditional japanese poetry. Haiku is, today, a 17-syllable verse form consisting of three metrical units of 5, 7, and 5 syllables.

Mama is in Japan at the moment. Some place near Osaka. I be jealous. But english haikus are a bit odd.

She shared one that had me rolling on the floor.

I have to figure out how to get the kanji out. But for now, us peons must make do with romanji.

Numa de shine.
Nuno ni tsutsunda
Nurenezumi.

Direct translation: Go die in the Swamp, wrapped in a cloth drowned rat.

Im still giggling. Plus her wonderful comments about 'dear john' letters.
I love her and miss her too much. I shall prod on with my work.
Work on the haikus mama, i think you may get work as a comic relief writer some day.
Poor poor grumpy Yuki-kun. Gimme a picture mama.

Work, work and work...

2005-11-14T12:35:00.000+10:30

I have sooooo much work, it's not funny.

And I rediscovered my childhood yesterday.

It was a sunny sunday.

There was badminton, itchy grass, barefoot play and loads of sweat and laughter.

And the wind always seems to start up once a person says the word 'badminton'.

BADMINTON BADMINTON BADMINTON

Waiting for the cyclone to hit Adelaide.

Since nothing has happened, I presume it's safe to continue.

Cant be too careful these days.

I have work.

Too much work.

But yesterday, I was transported.

And with all those positive feelings, came a few non-great ones.

I smoke now.

I drink now.

I'm not exactly a virgin.
And what happened?
I'm not too sure.
Time changes all.
But as time goes, I can see my assignment deadline coming closer.
*tick tock tick tock*

:(

So work work work, is what I should do.

I shall push my lazy ass harder today.
I miss having someone waking up next to me.
Hmmm...

Sick sick sick...

2005-11-12T13:55:00.000+10:30

Maybe a bit physically.

Too much wine. Vino. Alcohol.

I hate being made to feel gulity.

Advice is fine, talking over issues is good.

But thats talk. I mean, no matter what, I need to make up my own mind in life. Whether it be having butter chicken or beef vindaloo for dinner.

I know my decisions hurts the people I care about. But, in recent times, or years, I have become more selfish that way.

Advice is given freely, no one is obligated to follow it. Unlike following the speed limit or stealing from huge financial institutions.

I talk to people as well, I do get a bit hurt when they don't follow my advice but I try not to give it out too much.

As my mother used to say,"I can talk all I want, but I know you are just gonna do it your way anyway."

My way may not be the best way in your mind.

But it's my choice, I dig my grave, i mean make my bed, I lie in it.

It's a chance I'm willing to take.

Cos, at the end of the day, all I can depend on, is me.

I'm the only person gonna look after me and love me.

Might make it a lonely existance, but it's a choice I make.

I live with it.

Hmmm

2005-11-11T22:37:00.000+10:30

I'm tipsy as I write this...

I'm worried bout becoming an alcoholic.

I drink everyday and in huge amounts.

But it feels so good.

Mourning

2005-11-08T12:30:00.000+10:30

Luck and Joy and Grief and I set off together into the world of
exsistance.
Luck lay down and Joy ran off.
But Grief and I go wandering on .
A Persian poem. author unknown.
Well, I didn't quite do that quite right. I don't seem to do anything quite right. Maybe we all just need space. From time to time. Maybe differences get too much.
I still consider most people my friends. Even the ones I havent seen. If Qiu came up one day, I would welcome her with open arms, no matter how much we both hurt each other.
This isn't a hint.
I'm just at a loss now. I seem to have lost an important person. I don't know if it will ever get better.
I hope so. I can't stand the pain right now.
I feel so much, I'm numb.
Don't leave comments saying I'm whining.
I'm just sad.

Ramblings of Me...

2005-10-31T15:31:00.000+10:30

I always seem slightly suprised when people come to me with some problems.

Some people, especially, you never expect to have problems or at least, speak to you about them.

Like what I said about friends, ships.

There have been times when I thought some friends would be there forever. But, time changes everything. Change is constant. You can't stop it, and sometimes, its a good thing that you don't.

On other days, the past catches up.

An ex-boyfriend of mine has been calling. And calling. And calling.

My avoidance is pure cowardice. It was not really a messy breakup, more awkward. And although he still wants to be friends, I physically can't stand it.

I wonder why I got into that relationship sometimes.

I constantly spoke about the aftermath of it and 'training' him for the next girl.

But relationships are messy.

As we spoke, compromise. People are less cynical than me.

I may be a romantic at heart, but marriage is an institution I do not believe in.

Romance lasts for only so long. That's why change is good.

I'm staying in Adelaide for the summer. Job hunting is still going on.

People interest me, suprise me. And they piss me off, but the good times are there.

I know the good never cancels out the bad, but bad must happen.

We all have bitter tea in our cup of life.

Some more than others.

I know I don't make much sense, I'm a little random.

Pink is the new green...

2005-10-31T01:41:00.000+10:30

SURPRISE!

It's almost my wife's birthday. But we decided to suprise her with an early birthday party. Slap a prawn on the barbie and crack open the coopers. No alcohol for me tonight.

On friday, we had a Halloween party. Pictures later. But, I got smashed by 1130. And, not to mention, I remember NOTHING.

Zip, zap, nada. Nothing. It's a bit freaky considering there were sleazy man-whores around. Some law students. Not saying ALL people studying law are sleazy but these were. So apparentally, I puked a fountain of pink puke on the birthday girl.

Sorry Milla. And I puked all over the neighbour's house. Sorry Jamie.

But, I made up for it. *wink*

Milla had a mini-party and no injuries this time. It's too long a story to tell. I shall try another time when daylight savings is not upon me.

Alcohol holds no interest for me at the moment.

And Myst, I'm okay. Just a bit reflective recently. Til Friday. Apparently I had A LOT of vodka cranberries, cowgirls and strawberry snapps.

Gee... I wonder why it was pink.

One of those days...

2005-10-25T14:09:00.000+09:30

I suffer from foot in mouth diease.

I also want one of these.

Foot in mouth diease, that's me.

2005-10-25T01:15:00.000+09:30

It is always interesting to meet a kindred spirit. Everyone meets one once in a while. A kindred spirit does not mean an instant connection, or to find a clone of yourself, with the same array of interests. Clones can come in any gender, race, religion, shape or size. They are called clones for a reason.

Sometimes, when you meet someone, their eyes twinkle, you both smile and then, some instinct kicks in and you know that this person can be a friend. To what degree, you don’t know yet, but for the moment, you feel comfortable.

These people are different for everyone, yet some people manage to integrated so well into society, memorising social niceties, that no matter where, they can strike up a conversation and be liked. They seem at ease at parties, chatting, smiling and standing with such confidence.

Some people really are those, but I sense, most are not. Under all the smiles, is the lost scared little child, always tucked away. The one looking for approval, searching for love, foraging for friendships, non-material, intangible things that we, as humans, seem to crave. Crave for so desperately.

But I am not going to go on about the emotional state of people. Or some people, anyway. I do not single myself out from that category. I am human. I make mistakes, I have feelings. I have the same insecurities everyone has. Fewer or more than other, I like to think I am normal. I do worry that people can smell my feet on a warm day. I panic if I find my jeans fly unzipped. I wonder how many people have seen what colour my thong is for the day. I do change my underwear everyday, sometimes twice. Underwear smelling a bit odd is something I never worry about. No inside, outside, front and back method for me.

But recently, I happened to chance upon my friend’s neighbour. I always saw him as a ‘typical Aussie bloke’. Beer in one hand, a lighted cigarette in the other, always smiling. But so lonely. Something about him, reminded me about myself. Everyone suffers a bout of loneliness. A few people just get hit harder than the others.

We spoke. The three of us, my friend, the neighbour and I. It was interesting. However, my friend was not as ‘into’ the conversation as he and I were. Another friend dropped by, and then we were four. An even spilt of the sexes now, two women and two men.

The conversation turned medical, and I listened, elated by the jargon used. The foreign sounds and laughter that sprung from the trio left me feeling slightly excluded. I can not claim to be in ‘sciency’ in any way possible.

This party broke up around three in the morning. The friend, who popped by earlier, with a wave and a yawn, departed. The other friend, whom lived there, had work and a shower and sleep were called for. She left as well, to meet the sandman. The non-scary one.

The neighbour and I were left. And we stayed there, chatting, over several more beers and cigarettes, til seven in the morning.

I cannot remember everything that was said, but, as I said a kindred spirit. We had similar interests, the same slightly ‘sick’ sense of humour.

And he reminded me of Mark. That’s all I am saying here. Missing Mark is like missing a part of you.

But speaking to him, I realised how lonely I really feel. He was lonely as well. I could sense that, as he could sense mine. It is strange how perception we sometimes are to the feelings of others.

Feeling through others was nothing new to me. It’s a strange sort of empathy which went beyond simple understanding. It was the actual feeling. I sometimes understood how people felt because in me, I felt it too. Their emotions seem to run through me as they ran through them. I could almost feel others, like a cloying cloud of perfume, which seemed to transport me to the midst of their hearts, the very core of their being.

He and I connected on a certain level. And, I think, I made a new friend. With promises of anime sessions and smokes, we parted that morning.

I haven’t seen the sun rise for ages. And that morning, it was almost symbolic. He was the push I needed to continue doing what I was doing. I felt refreshed and almost in a sense, cleansed.

People connect. Friendships form. Nothing lasts forever, but for the time being, I want to savor every friend I have. To enjoy their company til we have to part. It might seem like a pessimistic way of looking at relationships but, I beg to differ.

We have but one life to live. People are like passing ships. Same sail into the harbour longer than others. Same depart cargo and leave. Others stay to enjoy the sights and sounds. Others love it so much; they decide to have an extended stay.

Humans are humans. That is that.

2005-10-18T23:02:00.000+09:30

*sings*

Paddle pop, YAH
Paddle pop, OOO
Super duuuper YUMMY!

Can anyone else remember that little jingle from the late 80s/early 90s?

I had a Rainbow paddle pop today.

Then came the wonderful adult conversation of what is the makeup of a Rainbow paddle pop.

We came to the conclusion that:

It's made from the shavings of rainbows, collected by happy elves in Spring. Then, carefully, happiness and sundrops from the faries are added in. Stir in some milk from the super brownie cows of super brownie wood and TA DA!

Rainbow Paddle pops.

All the happiness in the world.

I wish the world could be like that.

Look at me, Im a mushy romantic heap. So called.

I;m just annoyed now.
The world, yes, is around me, it's not quite there, but it annoys me.

While I was walking up the stair, I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today, How I wish he'd go away.
~Hughes Mearns

Self reflection

2005-10-18T01:29:00.000+09:30

A blog should be treated like a diary.

Everything you write is sacred.

But, unlike a diary, people all over the world, can read what you write.

Therefore, trying to express one's self and opinions can be a bit tricky.

Some people dislike what they read, fair enough. Please then, stop tormenting yourself and go boil your head.

I'm kidding. Taking a leaf out of Roald Dahl's book.

But I still forget people read this and people I know especially. They can read and mock my horrible horrible spelling.

I should write a disclaimer. Help, anyone?

I have no idea where to start.

For the moment, I'm going through a strange phrase in my life.

I made a decision which I believe is the best for me.

Or I think it is.

I wonder if I am swayed by too many external factors.

Like friends, money, THE BEACH.

Experiencing Australia in summer would be an interesting experience. Real interesting.

So would getting a job.

On the hunt now, prowling for some unsuspecting person willing to give me money in return for my sweat and talents.

I realised that there was no way I could put that sentence and make it NOT sound sexual.

I COULD make money that way, but then I couldn't sleep at night.

And if I don't sleep, how can I walk in all the pretty shoes I would have gotten with the money?

Summer is around the corner and I, should start working on my tan soon.

Brighton, here I come!

Irony...

2005-10-16T11:04:00.000+09:30

I should take my own advice.

I can't handle the world at the moment.

I don't know what to do.

I'm just freaking out by the pure fact that I am near to me.

Sounds silly. Oh well.

Can't stand myself at the moment. Sadly, I can't get away.

Will try.

Sticking head in ground til bad things go away.

Not healthy but I shall cope whatever way I can.

Random mumblings...

2005-10-15T17:11:00.000+09:30

It's been an interesting week.

I'm staying.

Til mid Jan anyway.

Gonna try and find a job.

Earn money, settle down, have 5 kids.

I'm kidding.

I'm still a bit sore about a certain someone.

I'm not sure what to think sometimes.

But I think, some people (like me) express feelings by whining and writing about it. Some scream, yell, do sports, excercise.

Some people draw.

I wish I had that talent.

But cheers to stickgirl, may you find happiness not in men, but in yourself.

If anything I have learnt over my time as a human on this earth, it that loving yourself and accepting who you are, is the most important thing.

Men (or women for the straight men here) can come later.

But be careful what you wish for, it might come true.

Ode to my Mama and Starbucks

2005-10-12T16:17:00.000+09:30

I was shocked when I heard Mama Jaja aka Erica (one of my best buds) has not stepped into a Starbucks since her arrival in Japan.

Note: Mama Jaja is a cig and coffee addict. Be nice to her before she has any one of those two, especially in the mornings. I have fuzzy memories of her not having a cig in her hand/mouth/ashtray.

The reason? In the little town she's in (I presume its little, she says its somewhere between Osaka and Kobe), there is ONE starbucks. Hey, I wouldn't be bitching, the nearest Starbucks of mine is at least a nine hour drive away. Same for Ikea. But, I digress on this.

And it is Erica who says that a Starbucks is a sign of civilization. Scandanivian doesn't count cos "it prides itself on not being Americanized".

But reasons for her choice are good. Despite Starbucks being nearby, she chooses local coffee shops.

I'm like, awesome, support local businesses.

No... I should have know better.

She can smoke inside. (",) Excellent Mama.

My Mama never changes, and for that I adore her. Have a great time in Japan and knock thm dead. PS: Nutella on the way. Sent it yesterday.

But since we are on the topic of Starbucks.

I came upon another interesting site.

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teachings of the bible. Reasonable hourly rates for teaching 1 person or more! A
Romantic or Stimulating evening or day while in my presence as a Gentleman and a
Poet! Evening rates £90. Day or weekend £150. A distance charge shall be added.
Maybe you would like a poem or more to about you for a change! You have a loved
one who would love words of your heart written to them in the form of my poetry
and expression of your heart. Maybe a work-mate of just a neighbour you are
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Subject I Compose A Poem About It! issacthepoet yahoo screen name

Well. Pay for a poem for ya I say. Please, please, please, I no want for my birthday. But why him? Cos he writes about the 'maidens of Starbucks'.

Too funny. I like the whole erotic poetry plus religious teachings in one. Is that nothing this guy can not do? And when anyone of you have a baby, I shall have one written for the christaining.

Don't forget to check out the Yahoo babes section.

Eligible bachelors?

2005-10-11T11:45:00.000+09:30

*cough cough*

One might be, don't know about the other. Cos I don't know the other one. As a person.

I laugh. It is so funny. (laughing and squirting milk out through my nose ) are my own comments :)

"Today, I received a very interesting email from a friend, oshioyi. I was
questioned over my workaholic nature even on the weekends. One of my secondary (How old are you again?)
school teacher even suggest recommending a girlfriend for me, thanks to kalidas'
uninformed advertising of me in our school network. I guess Kali and I are one
of the few eligible bachelors left from our cohort(COUGH! If you want a hmmm... you can refer to the entries below for my opinion on that issue). But I need to justify my
unusual working habits.....
pt.1) I don't think I have yet met the right girl
yet. The girls I come across are simply too promiscious and casual with guys(Major disappointments? LOL All women are bad Defend thyself from the evil ways of the female).
pt 2) There is only 2 persons that could ever come close...Eliz and Miko.
But they appeared at the same time. I was with Eliz and lost Miko. Now I am no
longer with Eliz and I can't find Miko (Boo hoo hoo, made a decision, made a choice, live with it).
pt 3) Really got a lot work to do.
Got to get my findings into some journal.
pt 4) Most of my friends are
elsewhere, married or attached.
pt 5) I am not aussie(therefore aussies don't work or no one wants a non-aussie here?) and so I got work
more.....does not have the nominal extension to my scholarship(BOD or MFS? I'll explain later) unlike
aussie.......
So that kinda sums up everything."

-from the blog of bunkie

I give him credit for his work. Yeah!

Eligible bachelors?

I can't comment on the other gentleman cos I don't know him. Just reinforcing this fact. Don't want to be too quick to judge people I'm completely don't know. (>.<)

The other one...

Okies, this is a bit of a bitch fest but I was a bit taken back by his sweeping statements.

"The girls I come across are simply too promiscious and casual with guys. "

What do you mean by casual? Ohhhhhh, she spoke to him. Look I can see the outline of her breasts with that shirt of hers on. And, omg, she's laughing at what that guy is saying. Slut. And why look at EVERY single woman as a potential partner? How lonely are ya?

Men and women do have the capacity to be 'just friends'.

I'm sure we have evolved to something with a reasonable amount of squishy gray matter.

And 2 persons or people who have ever come close?

Remember the poor person who supposedly broke the heart twice in 5 weeks?

Ain't my heart.

Hmmm...

I think some people could do a better job than me laughing at this entry.

Now for the feedback sandwich. You start with something positive, then constructive feedback and something positive again! I did that.

It made me laugh, feedback, and I'm complimenting the writing style and the ability to make me laugh out loud.

By the way, blogs are public domain. (",)

Abstinence = Higher Libido

2005-10-10T21:20:00.000+09:30

Hmmm... That's an interesting school of thought.

Why is this an issue suddenly?

Cos someone I was speaking to said this. You know the whole virginity thing? No sex before marriage?

But I see it like this. It's like a kid only allowed to eat chocolate on Sunday. From Monday to Saturday, he dreams of chocolate. All he smells is chocolate. All he thinks about is chocolate. Come Saturday night, hours from chocolate day, he stays awake, thinking about how he will eat his chocolate.

Sunday morning has come.

The frantic mad rush to the cupboard holding the chocolate bar. The tearing of the paper and the ripping of the foil. In goes the chocolate. Chew, chew, it flows down his throat. The melted smoothness. The brown sticky substance is good. But... is it as good as expected?

One bar. Two bars. Three bars.

It's not so good anymore. The worst thing is, all you can have, for the rest of your life, is that sort of chocolate bar.

Plain.

No strawberry, white, dark, coffee creame, mint, or smoooth caramal crunch.

Plain chocolate.

Sometimes, people place too much an emphasis on penatrative sex. Foreplay is sex as well.

But judging people who do indulge, who want to test the market, is not very nice.

And waiting for just one person, what makes you think it's gonna be good.

No sex for years will not equal to great wonderful mindblowing sex for the rest of your married life.

No gurantee.

I know the bible goes on about how pre-marital sex is not good. Fair enough.

But not everyone believes in the bible.

People are allowed to believe in different Gods or not at all.

I just wish people (some people especially) could just see that.

If this is heaven...

2005-10-06T18:54:00.000+09:30

Then please send me to hell.

I could be an Amish superstar in these clothes. The long URL doesn't help the cause either.

And apparently, the 'pill' closes the womb. It's an interesting mindless site.

Check out the wedding dresses.

Seriously, send me to hell.

But then again, I might already be there.

Approval for the blonde!

2005-10-05T23:38:00.000+09:30

That was fast. I applied just today.

Remember how I have constantly raved about J-List and the really awesome products they have?

Well, now, I have a pretty banner.

And if you click on the banner, you can go to the site.

Easy stuff? Following me?

Now this is the interesting thing, the shirts. Go to the site and look at the shirts. Then tell me you do not want one.

Try.

I insist.

Plus, if you click on MY banner and buy stuff, I get a small cut. Yes, this is Fern's attempt to make her mark in the world of the internet. My small private internet business. Buy Pocky, shirts and porn. And, oh yes, how could I forget? Hello Kitty. For fuck's sake, Hello Kitty is the bomb. BUY!

And yoai.

Especially yoai. Once I understand the site a bit more and learn more html, I shall promote myself a lot more. But seriously, prices are reasonable and the products too cute for words.

Now, enough for shameless self promotion.

Look look look! It's my black doggy, Floppy, back home. Both him and me have a problem. Our roots occasionally show. His show more than my blonde roots.

I swear sometimes that I am a natural blonde. No offense to blondes out there, I'm just dumb. Most of the time anyway.

I have the gift of saying the most inappropiate thing at the worst possible time.

The gift of gab? Too common plus who can be bothered to kiss that stone?

The gift of tongues? Nah.

The gift of beauty? Depends who's giving and cutting.

The gift of song? Karaoke queen anyone? Not me.

The gift of having one's foot permenantly cemented in one's mouth? Hell yeah. In fact when God was giving that out, I was first in line and forget to line up for the rest of the gifts the good Lord was handing out.

In fact, my mother says the same about Floppy. As in, he was first in the handsome line but forgot to go to the brains department.

I don't know how I manage to say the things I say.

For example, I broke my atm card. But I can still swipe it cos it's broken on the other side. So I told the guy at Coles, while waving the card in his face that I could "just swipe it on machines but I can't stick it into stuff." He merely gave me a 'gimme the money and please leave' look on his poor confused face.

Quick recap, remember me telling the policeman who gave me a random breath test that that was the first time 'anyone has asked me to blow'.

And then, Milla and me were looking at a campervan on the road.

It's illegal for people to sit in the back while its moving in Norway. They have to be seated in the front with seatbelts.

I pondered my wife's words.

"So that means, in Norway you can't ever be in the back?"

Go ahead, laugh.

She did.

So, yes, I shall move on.

And do my assignment.

Joy, fun. How great it is to be in university.

Reading Material: Stupid White Men By Michael Moore

Ice cream...

2005-10-05T00:42:00.000+09:30

Went ice cream tasting yesterday. Had a blue one. It was pretty good. Pretty damn good if I do say so myself. I was wetting myself just tasting it.

It was that good. Had an unfortunate name to it though. Quite sensitive in this everyday age.

It was blue, therefore Tsunami.

Im not kidding. It's a shop on Hindley. So yeah.

Mmmmmm... Ice cream.

Soooooooooo goood.

I feel like some more now.

Clinging on...

2005-10-01T04:46:00.000+09:30

All is quiet on the front. Silence is good yet so amusing.

After a prolonged absence, I am back. I left my internet cables at the wife's and therefore had no access. And again, my knight, Eugene, has lent me his extra cable. There is nothing going on between the two of us. But I feel as if the world is turning upside down. And I'm clinging on for dear life as it turns. And I can't quite have a grip on life. It seems to be moving too fast for me to handle. Or tolerate, it's just too hard to live with.

And so I feel like this. Except the little guy has more courage and a more settled life than I will ever have. He knows what to do with his life. Eat, survive, eat, avoid being killed, eat, breed. Eat. Plus, it's dead cute.

If only life was so easy. It's holidays now, and I'm spending it vegging out with my PS2, tv, assignments and cigerettes. I have properly taken up smoking again. It's my drug of choice for the moment. But, it still fascinates me how fragile life really is.

I heard about a death tonight. I still havent slept. I have no idea why it bothers me so much. I don't know the guy but I can only imagine how hard it is for his family and friends. Some people are taken away much too soon. It shouldn't affect me but it has. It has made me think more about what I am doing with mine, whether if I went tomorrow, would I be willing to leave.

Death doesn't scare me, dying does. The process of it. And the aftermath. I like to believe in a heaven and I don't believe in hell. I don't believe a God whom people claim are merciful would create such a horrid place. But I believe all people are good, and try to be good. It's just that their 'version' of good is not ours.

One thing I know I want to do is to get to know my parents. I was speaking to a friend (his mom passed away recently) and I could not express my feelings. All I could say was "I'm sorry." And he told me not to worry. At least I knew my mother as a person.

Could we all say that?

I don't know my parents. Especially not my father. The lack of a father, in a sense, in my life has always been a sore point. I don't hug him, he doesn't hug me. He physically pushes me away if I try to hug him or give him a kiss on the cheek. He pats me on the shoulder at the airport when I leave. He pats my head when I get back. We speak a couple of minutes on the phone, him normally asking if I washed the car and whether I am cold. We both exist and lived in the same house, yet I know nothing of him.

I know his full name, his parents, his schools. I know how he met my mom. I know what he does for a living. I know what magazines and books he likes to read. I know what he likes to eat.

And thats about it.

It came to me, that sense of loss, over this holidays. Milla had her parents over and her dad and me basically got along. He spoke little English, I spoke little Norwegian. So the day consisted of me or him pointing at something, and saying the name of the object in english/norweigan. And each night, as I left their hotel room, to send Milla back, I kissed her parents good night.

Milla's dad filled me for a while.

But here comes the question: How can you miss something you never had?

I have faded fuzzy memories of me sitting in my father's lap, trying to pet the dog.

But that's all.

What I should do is Live. I don't know how to do it, I know I musn't regret the life I led. I know my daddy loves me, I just wish he wasn't a stranger.

"There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval."

-George Santayana

Remember me?

2005-09-23T20:44:00.000+09:30

It has been a pretty hertic term. It's over but what amazes me is the amount of mail I got. Bills and stuff of the same yucky nature not included in the list.

I been here 3 years and I only had a parcel sent to me. My mom sent it in my first year and it consisted of clothes and a lamp. Yes, a lamp. Trust my mother to send me the most off-beat things.

I got so many postcards as well! But I think the parcel my mamajaja sent me was the best of all. But my mother, thanks, for the wonderful spa machine. I actually slept for 17 hours straight today. Was in bed bout 2am, woke up about 7pm. It was dark. I feel a bit piggish actually.

But my mama jaja! The woman of the hour! I have carebears and spongebob sqaurepants pjs!

I HAVE AND YOU DON'T!

*evil manical laughter*

Not to mention the lime bag, flower brooch and care bear stickers! the face mask and stuff!! I was in heaven for a while. It's always nice to recieve mail.

But if you don't send, you don't recieve. Nothing beats the feeling of seeing your name on an envelope with familiar handwriting. Or a distant postmark annoucing how far it has travelled. Seeing anything in French makes my heart stop a little, Mamajaja is in Canada after all. But now, she's in Japan and I await her new address so that I can send her Nutella.

Apparently, where she is (somewhere near Osaka and Kobe), she cannot find nutella. And my mamajaja lives off the stuff. I shall send an emergency food package soon, just give me an addy! I am so jealous of the cakes and Japanese sweets she is getting.

Plus all the Studio Ghibli stamp sets. By the way, the J-List site is fantastic. I simply drool and crave and desire almost all that is on here. Peter Payne (the guy who set it up) has an interesting blog. A bit self promoting but interesting none the less.

I want! I want! *whine* I'm in a whiny mood today. Typical Singaporean? *LOL*

Its cool and I have a new pink sweater.

But I want more people to remember I'm here.

I have to self promote. I remmeber writing so many letters my first year here, and got nothing back. Except from a couple of people.

*sigh*

I have mail and therefore happy. Maybe I should head back to bed.

Look at me!

2005-09-20T16:05:00.000+09:30

I would like to thank the people who read this, I would like to thank my peers...

Some people actually take this thing too seriously.

I have been threatened with legal action.

Seriously. From the ass I mentioned in my previous post.

But, I have my supporters. The people with common sense. He sent a sms to my Ta saying:

"i might take up some action against fern for publishing my personal mail
online without consent"

Go ahead. Trying to scare me that way doesn't work. Using scare tactics is pathetic and sad. I'm not your typical Singaporean, shrinking away, just because you threaten me with legal action. You really amuse and sicken me, yet I pity you.

You are just crying out for attention, and trying to drive a wedge between me and Ta, ain't gonna work.

At least I have my supporters. People who process common sense.

Like Eugene (the fucking dweller), my knight in shining armour, simply beams with sense and brains.

I need to say nothing more. Eugene has said it for me. Better than I could have for myself.

I'm still gonna write on this blog. Empty threats with no basis what-so-ever. Sorry that I have to be the one to tell ya dude, but I have more balls than you.

Have a nice life.

Hentai! Yoai! YEAH!

2005-09-17T16:47:00.000+09:30

Yoai! Yoai!

Harry Potter and Snape???

Yuck. I dunno. I think it looks a bit wrong. He's kinda under-aged. And Snape is kinda old and ugly. ANd I really don't want to think Harry Potter is gay. He acted very 'gay' in the last one. I know Hongie would disagree on that one. Harry Potter not being gay.

I like watching hentai. I admit it.

But, yoai. *smile*

I know its werid, but there is something so sweet about yoai. Two men, so in love. The kissing is sweet, the sex looks so romantic.

I'm off topic here. But, *sigh*

I want a man to love me as much as some gay men. Completely devoted. Completely smitten and in love with the other.

*sigh*

Must be the cold.

Me slammed!

2005-09-17T11:40:00.000+09:30

RE: Polite
Message:

At this point, I will still be polite to you. You have the right to write
whatever you want and I can't stop you. But do have a bit of respect for others
privacy. I do not remember telling you how dumb you are. But I DO remember
telling you what a waste it was to do your course when you have a gift in
writing which could be put to better use. Everyone in this fucking place has a
gift of some sort. I am no smarter than you when it comes to baking some cake or
something else. You do not know me well enough to pass judgements. I can't be
like you. I might be from the stone-age because I seen people died in front
tragically in front of me on several occasions and I know how fucking fragile
life is. Whether I love her or not is seriously none of your concern as much as
I would not question over your relationship with Andrew or other men.
Irregardless of my problems with Rita, I never pestered her as much as what you
would like to think. I do not need to address my concerns to you since you have
such selective memory. For your record I can reassure you I am not a fucker. I
don't dwell like Eugene or someone else. I just move away swiftly. On two
occasions, she took the initative to talk to me again. NOT ME! Now, I am at the
stage of moving away again in my own pace. The only thing I do for her to check
out good R&B from time to time because if there is one thing we share, it is
soul R&B.No one is correct or wrong all the time. The determination of
rightness tends to be sway by personal agenda and desires. I think I was right
with her, she thinks she was correct about how she dealt with me and you think
you are right in getting yourself involved unnecessarily. So who is right
afterall. Do not comment only equipped with such one-sided informations.
Normally I don't really care about others opinion. Why I did not have someone to
talk to for 72 hours is because I did not want to bother anyone with my
problems. I did not want to repeat the whole fucking story again to someone and
it takes time.. Half the time, my mobile was off except to talk to her.Shall we
leave this judgement passing to higher beings? We are mere mortal and stop
playing Singaporean (whine, complain, gossip a lot). You can choose to delete me
from your friendster list for all I care. Cheers.

I suddenly remember that post I took was from a PUBLIC blog. Gee how silly of me. Poor Eugene. The dweller. At least he doesnt scare her. I don't know. This message I got is kinda freaky. Plus I did try to delete. I really did. If you are reading this, you can try to. Stupid friendster. hahah And plus, does he even know whether I bake or not? And your mobile on just for her?

Judgement, hmmm, judging. We are both to blame. No matter how, we do. Cos, we are lesser beings. But I mean it. For a person who doesn't care, he has written a lot of messages trying to counter what I said( personally, I doubt I would have bothered) and another blog entry about it. And I'm sure he will read this. Selective memory? hahah False flattery will get u nowhere.

Oh well, you can't please everyone. And I'm glad I'm not. I might lose Ta as a friend as well for this public outburst but as long as everyone is SAFE, I'm willing to take the risk.

Ways to be disturbed... Meet some people I know...

2005-09-16T18:55:00.001+09:30

Hey ladies and gentlemen!

Money problems??? (Yes, Myst, this one is for you)
Need a car? Pay off a home loan? Feed the kids? Or just plain broke?

We have the solution to your problem!!!

Starring, the way to fuliful your dreams to find love, happiness and GREAT WEALTH!

Marry an Ugly Millonaire. And to be more disturbed, look at 'sheep'!

I think its a hoax. No one is THAT fugly. But I know its one. Its too comical to be true, or is it? Anything can happen in America.

Another procastination post. I have an assignment due sorta soon. And no motivation to do it. Instead, I choose to look at a bear pooping out prime numbers. It was up to 6449 when I got bored. Again.

And of course of the fact THAT I hate myself for not being able to work. Where do I go? The Insult-O-Matic. Fun. By the way, St. Isidore of Seville is the patron saint of the Internet. I think, or so i heard.

People also do the most useless things. Like iPod Vs the cassette tape? Who will reign supreme?At least the cassette is cheaper and water proof. Plus, it doesnt hurt as much as when you lose/break/destroy for fun one.

Yes, I know I'm just dribbling one.

Might write later if I feel less disturbed. Or if I feel like I have something important to say.

And god, John* (name changed to protect the innocent), you are an utter ass. And if you do anything to hurt my concubine, I will hunt you down. Self pity is a very unattractive trait. Plus, so is insulting others without knowing anything. You are a pompus person who is too full of himself. And if you have no one to talk to for 72 hours, think, was it a personal choice? Or maybe, you should ask, why is it that no one wants to talk to me? Maybe, maybe, the problem isn't the world, it's you. Stop trying to get pity from me or anyone.

And never come near me again. I will not associate myself with such people. I let a person to at least have some respect for themselves and not lick their 'wounds' in public, begging for attention and sympathy.

And this is it. The infamous blog entry I was talking about. And yes, I can post up anything I want. Read it, and I wonder who he is talking about???

"I must one of few rare people walking in this place. I am not modest at all with my intelligence and I don't need any reassurance from anyone about it. Yet in my emotional world, I am witless. I constantly make silly mistakes. I must confess my loneliness is gaining the upperhand and I seems to be rallying for a lost cause. I am so imbalance. My distribution of IQ and EQ is so disproportional. When I was 16, some people did an extensive IQ test on me and found that I was about 135, which puts me in the 2 percentile in the world population, unless smoking reduces my preception drastically. Recently when I did my EQ test, it came to be about 65. The norm for EQ is between 90-110. I am too extreme and impatient. There are only yes and no to me all the time and now I am choking on it. I often begged for redemption but my actions fall short, bringing along with it short intense purgatory. In short, I am f**ked........
Asked me a question about science, history or general issues, there might be a chance I could address. Asked me about who loves who on tele, silences will be what that follows next. Unfortunately, at this junction of my life, it is more important to address the latter than the former. I am trying really really hard but.....Honestly, I do not know what is going on in girl's mind. It is more confusing than quantum mechanics (and I really find quantum difficult to grasp).

Someone broke my heart twice in 5 weeks and it is all my own doing. When I told that someone that I was leaving for good, she doesn't really give a shit. I realised I was nothing, absolutely nothing to her. However, she is not to blame, for I was. All I really wanted was to be able to talk, to lookout for, to laugh, to cry, to smile. I can spend all my time left with her, even without any physical intimacy whatsoever. Is this love?

There is a little story I would like to share for all you who are spending time reading my stupid blog. I once spend 3 years taking the same MRT route (mass rapid transport in singapore i.e subway) with this girl and I had never spoken a single word to her. The problem is that I lived in the north east (hougang) while she lives in the east(Simei). Back then, I would take the train with her all the way to her station and take a return route back to cityhall before catching a bus back. Did that for about 3 years during schooldays. At the end of my studies, on the last trip, I sat beside her and for the first time I spoke. "I am finishing soon and I am going to the army". There was a such a silence during our trip and before she alighted, she turned and say,"You are so mean, for after so many years, I still do not know your name". Before I could tell her my name, she left. When I first returned home from military training, I could still recalled that I was down with a high fever on that Saturday. Still I sat by the train station all day alone waiting just to catch a glimpse of her. Unfortunately I never see her again.......

We went to her friends' place for a get-together together. Between 9pm to 3am in the morning, she was having so much fun and it felt so good to hang around with her. My gut felt terrible right from the start but I really felt so happy just to be with her. Every other moment, I felt so much pain but her smiles and laughters were so real to me. A month ago it would be unimaginable. I did not want to stop the party both for me and her. After the party, I drove her home and walked her to her doorstop. At that point, I knew my gut was massively hemorrhaging because I could taste the scent of blood in my lips. I knew that it could be life-threatening because it has been ongoing for 6 hours or so. The funnest thing was that at that point of time, what that goes through my mind was that I would really need a hug from this girl, even just to say goodnite. I saw her to her door and left hastly before it was bleeding through my nose and I don't want her to see it. Went to ER next and came down with a fever the following day. 48 hour window was what I have left. Fever came and go over the next couple of days and during that time so many things I shouldn't say, I did. Now I lost her and during those days when I was sick, she never visit me. Her reasoning was that she does not want to give me any false hopes. I really don't need any hopes, I just needed comforting. That was all I wanted. Even if one has no feelings for someone, one would still visit. At least I would.
This world can be so lonely........
Hello sadness........................."

And there it is. A bit hard to read, but hey, I didnt write it. I'm jus so angry that anyone can treat one of my friend's so badly. She has a mind, a brain and knows when a man is still in the stone-age.

Good luck with stuff. God knows you need it. And, as I mentioned above, ANYTHING happens to my Ta, I know who to look for.

PS He has known Ta for 6months. Love? *snort* If you meet him, you will know what I mean. Doesn't let anyone get a word in and HE is right. Told me I was dumb to be doing my course. Doesn't even realise what my degree is about. And if you are in hospital for A DAY for observation...

THis is a bitch. But I am sick of this. It's all out.

Things in life that make you i.e. ME go EEEKKK!

2005-09-14T00:23:00.000+09:30

Walking by a bathroom, mainly a male’s room, and some guy walks out and you see that they are zipping their pants as they step through the door. Really, how long does it take to zip your damn fly before you open the door?
The same men (and possibly women) not washing their hands after using the bathroom. Seriously, that doesn't take long either! And since you are there, there's soap and paper towels for a reason.
Women who after using the toilet, proceed to the sink area and fix their hair. No washing of hands. Just touching of head and face. Then they walk out. EEEK!
Being called an 'it'. People seem to be confused to what my gender is. So, 'it' I shall be.
When you order coffee, and they fuck up and give you decaf. In the morning. Before 9am. Before your first cig. Before your eyes have cleared up. While your brain is still in auto pilot.
Buying the top you been eyeing for the last 2 months. Next day, its 50% off. At the same shop.
Spiders in Australia. Saw a Redback in the backyard. EEK was not the only word I used.
Finding the last cigerette in a box. Priceless. Smoking it and realising its at least 3 months old, EEEEKKK!!! *spit spit*
Half way through an essay, just as you are about to click on the 'save' button, it hangs. Or the electricity gets cut.
Rent increases. And paying 8 cents per megabyte download for internet usage. Stupid Flinders Housing.
People writing about YOU on their blogs.
Getting the mobile phone bill.
Getting any form of bills.
The moment before you look at your assignment grade.
EEEEKKKK! You saw your grade.
Walking in on your parents doing the dirty. Making the beast with two backs. You know what I mean.
Your mother telling you how your father needs sex at least thrice a week.
Realising you only have $10 left in your bank account and its 3 days til payday.
The current petrol prices everywhere. I remember when gas was 85cents a litre. Now its $1.38. Now that's what you call inflation.
When planes land, and they start shaking from side to side. Oh yes, OH FUCKING OATH, that's an EEKK moment.
When the alarm goes off and in your dream, you are just about to 1.find out what's behind the secret door, 2. announce the murderer of Mrs Tacket, 3. rip off Travis Fimmel's shirt and have your dirty way with him. All good, all bad.
And lastly, especially for me, MY BIRTHDAY! EEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKK! Getting old physically, mentally still 5.

I'm playing hostress to Milla's parents. They come from Norway tomorrow. 935am in the morning! I hate mornings with a passion.

But I am the good husband. If people think I'm her domestic partner, I better act the part.

*cough, scratch balls*

Clowns and Melbourne and my secret or not-so-secret desires...

2005-09-12T22:23:00.000+09:30

Melbourne, the place I intend to go to soon. But should I? In the light of recent threats, I don't know. I was looking forward to it in a way, but even before tonight, it didn't feel right. I am not saying I have the 'sixth sense' or anything. But something about this trip didn't sit well with me. I should still go though. Fear holds you back. I think the simpicity of the guy's words in the video hit me the most.

"Yesterday, London and Madrid, tomorrow, Los Angeles and Melbourne."

Said, simply, with such great conviction, he truely knows what he feels he has to do. He might be an American Muslim, but he is still a person with beliefs. A friend says it's probably Melbourne in Florida that they want to hit. I doubt it. But enough of this. All they want to do is create fear. Fear cripples you. Plus if i do get blown to bits, it saves on cremation costs. Dying is an expensive business.

Clowns. The scariest things on earth.There can be none scarier.

Possibly, in my last life, I was brutally killed by one. There was nothing left of my poor body except for bits of skin. It killed me as one would defeather a chicken.

Or perhaps they just freak me out badly.

There are several reasons why I find clowns bad. These are them:

Nothing, NOTHING on earth is that happy. There is something very eerie about anyone who is so happy. It's un-natural.
They dress so brightly and cheerfully. Although I love stage and drama and even don't mind mime, its so, I can't explain it. Its very strange and out of this world.
They make fun of you. It's gentle teasing yes, but there's something sinister lurking beneath those depths.
EVIL, EVIL, EVIL clowns. You never know what they are gonna pull out of their pocket next.
I have never liked clowns. Ask my mother. Don't trust them.

Milla says the reasons why I dislike them are easy to understand, but how it came about is another story. I did a quick search on the web, and the first picture was the nicest looking clown I could find. The last one, is freaky. That's how they all look like to me. I expect them to jump on me and start attempting to stuff their rubber chicken down my throat and squirt water up my nose and sodomize me with their shoes. I may be too dramatic, but I believe me. These are NOT my secret desires.

Enough on clowns, I need some sleep tonight.

Secret desires, what do I want?

I crave friendship. It's a funny thing, cos I have many friends. But, I want more here, in Adelaide. I find Adelaideans hard to understand. I desire to know what aura I have around me that repels people away. Males especially. It's hard going out sometimes with the most gorgeous girl and you find yourself not feeling very attractive. You keep your head up, but you still don't quite succeed.

*sigh*

I also want want want a black iPod Nano. My secret public (oxymoron!) desire. I might be getting it for Christmas. I want! I want! I want!